Blessed Beyond Belief

Feeling in the spirit and inspired by this time of year... Been thinking a lot about what I have in my life to be grateful for, and checking myself to make sure that I am not taking things for granted...

I feel so overly blessed in this life! I have five  children... wow! So many women can't conceive.. I am truly fortunate to be able to carry all these babies and experience raising them.

The older four with my dad at the library :)

Jacob, my 6 year old, is so smart and such a hard worker. He is in 1st grade, and pushes himself in school and genuinely cares about succeeding. My husband and I are SO proud of him. He's a great brother to his siblings and loves them and protects them. He is a great example for the younger babes to look up to. I love his tender heart. Thinking back to one day of my pregnancy, my husband and I were daydreaming about what Jake would be like... we listed that he would be smart, funny, handsome, have a great personality, and he is everything we imagined.

Leah, one of my 4 year old twins, is so beautiful, sweet, and full of love and life. As I watch her grow, I see so much of my personality in her with the way she thinks, approaches things, and hopes for people's approval. I see the way her mind works.. and I understand her. Sometimes that worries me because I let a bunch of my insecurities drive my life as a child and young adult... but at least I know how to help her and reassure her that she is perfect the way she is. Her soul is beautiful. I love my little animated baby.

Lily, my other 4 year old twin, is gentle, yet completely rambunctious and wild! She is sweet, beautiful, and makes me proud. I could leave her on the bed holding Micah all day, and she would stay put without moving. She is such a little mommy. I can see the love and tenderness in her eyes. She, in many MANY way, is a clone of my sister and best friend, Rachael. She is accident prone and trips over air... but is the most giving child. She likes her independence, but can be a leader whenever she chooses. I felt a deep connection to her the day after she was born and she was having trouble eating and gaining weight... when they threatened to take her to the NICU to oversee her eating, something inside of me pushed an aggressive momma bear out and I refused to let her go there without me trying everything I could to keep her -- she ended up never having to leave me :)

My three beauties in their ballet class

Hannah, my 2 year old, is the little performer of the bunch. She can captivate a room and audience of any age. Her beauty and innocence is amazing and lovely. She is hilarious and extremely intelligent. Her strong will and determination lets me know that I won't have to worry about her when she grows up, which is something my dad always said about me. I know she will be wise and in control. She is such a special little girl.

the three girls kissing Micah before bed

Micah, my 5 month old, blows me away every day. He has completely changed my life. The fact that he has hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia (his congenital heart disease/defects) is almost portrayed in his life like it doesn't exist. His strength has stirred a new perspective of my own in this world. Micah is beautiful, happy, joyful, content, hilarious, and the most remarkable human being I know. He may not understand anything about his own condition... but I do.. and as I see his face fill with laughter and light up with smiles, the tears fill my eyes because I know how much he has gone through and will continue to face... and I know he will be an optimistic and Godly man.

The five paragraphs above about my children lay out the smallest amount of what I am grateful for in this life. It is simply just too much to list. I could go on and on about how lucky I am... but I'm afraid I would keep you here far longer than you would want.

At Micah's dedication to God Sept 2012 :)

Everything else in my life has also been abundantly blessed. I have a man who has been committed to me for nearly 8 years... and WOW did he have to go through some things with me in order to reap the mature and stable me now haha. He had to watch me grow from an 18 year old teenager to the 26 year old woman I am now, today. I thank you for that, honey.

Our baby boy has his second open heart surgery in only two more weeks... but we are ready. We are prepared for whatever God has laid out for us.

HE is the biggest blessing of all - my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... I can do ALL things in Christ, who strengthens me... I will not be alone, for He has stayed with me through everything in my life.

Sometimes we face tragedies and hardships, but I firmly believe that anything that we experience in our life can be dealt with and that it doesn't have to defeat us. Finding out my baby almost died and would face three open heart surgeries by the time he was three years old was the biggest shock of my life - but nothing in this world is too big for our God to handle. The peace that we came to about accepting God's control has taken us through the valleys and the peaks. Understanding that we are never alone speaks volumes to me...

As I was breaking down and uncontrollably sobbing in the wake of the news about my baby boy... I had a moment and realization that this "faith" we all talk about as Christians was about to come into play in my life. When you are left with faith as your only avenue in your life, you truly learn what it means. Faith was all I had. And I thank Jesus for saving my soul... and for saving my son's life.

I know this was long... and perhaps most people didn't make it down to the bottom of the page... but this life is such a blessing. I am blessed beyond belief... And no matter what may happen in the future - whether my baby boy is among the 78% of children who make it past age 5 with hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia... or if he falls among the 22%.... I will trust God and thank Him for the time I was blessed with :)

What are you thankful for, today?

21 days till Micah's next open heart!

The day is coming quickly for my chunky little boy to have his next open heart surgery!

To give a quick review of my baby boy (or new info to those of you who might be reading up on baby boy for the first time - the pic is showing one of his defects. The other is so rare I couldn't find a diagram of it):

~~~Micah was born in June of this year with a major heart defect combo called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia (his birth story is in a previous blog and soon I will be writing a more detailed blog on what exactly his congenital heart disease is). He had his first open heart surgery when he was 11 days old. Not only was it successful, but Micah is one of the best cases they've seen. He has been blessed to be the best case scenario every step of the way. THANK YOU, JESUS!!

As of tomorrow, Micah will be 5 months old! Can't believe how quickly this has gone by... We have savored EVERY moment. Having this child has changed my LIFE. When he has kept me up at night and has been super cranky, I literally say aloud, "you are worth it, baby! I am so happy you are here crying and keeping me up instead of keeping myself up with tears, mourning the loss you."

This is one thing I want to thank God for. If it wasn't for Micah, I might not be as grateful for the things that I have in my life. There is ALWAYS something positive to look at in every situation I face. My family has recently gone through a terrible sickness - at least we weren't victims of the hurricane on the east coast (and prayers have been sent out to those suffering and families who have lost members :-/ May God touch them!). There is ALWAYS something positive that can come out of negative. God uses our situations for His good always.

So - three weeks to go...

Micah will be going in on Nov 28 - the wed after Thanksgiving. We don't have a time yet, but it will most likely be early morning. The day before we will be bringing him in for blood work (they need to match his blood to donors - my husband and his sister are donating, as well as a close friend of mine :) THANK YOU!).

During this operation, Micah will be put on the heart bypass machine (which is why they'll need the blood). The surgery will last 2-3 hours, and they should have him off the ventilator before he's rolled out to us (last time they took about a day to wean him off of it - lots of cases take DAYS so our baby boy is very strong).

The first operation had an 85 to 90% chance of survival - this one has a 98%!!! Praise Jesus!

It will make more sense when I describe exactly what is wrong with his heart, but this surgery they will be removing a shunt and connecting blood flow to his lungs from the upper half of his body. The third (and final) operation (when he's 3 years) will connect the lower half of his body to his lungs and then they will bypass his heart and create a passageway to his lungs that will passively allow blood to flow in there (the pump that makes blood go to his lungs didn't develop).

He is expected to be released from the hospital 2-4 days after surgery (a heck of a lot faster than the projected 2-3 weeks from last time - he came home after only 6 days though :)!!!).

Our boy is strong and pushes us to be stronger, as well. Your prayers and support are welcome and appreciated. Thank you so much to everyone who has already given us the backing we've needed!

We are ready for this, God! Hanging onto You tight!

I found the secret to losing weight!!!!

Ok... are you ready for this? The true secret to losing weight is....

YOUR DECISION to do so!

You think all those other scams out there are the real deal? Perhaps they have cool tips and ways to lose weight.. but the truth is that the ONLY WAY you will lose weight is if you have 100% decided to do it.

That means NO more excuses, that means NO more delays, that means NO more saying NO!

I have been a mother for 6 1/2 years and, therefore, got pregnant over 7 years ago. I used to be thin, young and pretty (lol).

Just before I turned 18 and a year before I
got pregnant with my first

 

 

 

Now, 7+ years and 5 kids later (kinda freaks me out every time I state how many children I've had in such a short time haha what the heck is THIS chick thinking having so many kids, so young, so quickly?! Oh crap! It's me!!!!), my body is unrecognizable.

My husband used to serve in the military, so he is no foreigner to the gym and being in shape. Let me tell you - going from that ^^^^ up there to the blob I turned into damaged me in more ways that I had imagined possible.

"I'm strong willed and strong minded, nothing will take me down. I'm overweight? Eh.. I'm alright. I still feel confident in myself." --- yes... not so true after years of feeling trapped in the body that I wish was a fat suit I could strip off.

My fifth babe is four months old now, and as SOON as I got the clear to workout (two months after he was born and, therefore, two months after my c-section) I decided to start working my way toward the old-young me - ha!

At first I would workout a few days a week and I started eating really well - cutting down my calories to 1500-1700/day. I also started using this amazing app called Lose It! through my phone - which is free. I used it before I got pregnant with Micah and lost 9 pounds in three weeks. At the third week mark I got pregnant lol

Anyway - life started getting in the way (I do have five kids, after all, including an infant with a major heart defect). After my oldest went back to school and I was going from doctor appt to doctor appt for my baby, to eye doc appt for one of my twins, to getting my son's schooling on track and in control, to just being a MOM and housewife, in general - let's just say that life got busy! I went for a week without working out, then almost two, then another week! I had only worked out like three or four times in one month... And I was staying the same weight :(

That is when I discovered this miraculous secret. The answer to all!

I was going to get in shape no matter how tired I was, not matter how long my day was, no matter HOW LATE it was - I WAS GOING TO WORKOUT AND DO IT - coupled with eating better meals and limiting my caloric intake (since this is getting long, I'll make another blog soon about what foods you should eat, how to gauge what you're eating, and other tips to realistically CHANGE your eating habits).

I made the decision on Sept 23 that I was going to workout every day for 30 days. Even though I knew that it would be almost impossible to do it EVERY single day... I still wanted to make it a goal. I have worked out 18 times out of the past 26 days. Yes, I've missed 8 workouts. Some have been due to injuries (lol I got shin splints woot woot - finally feeling better today), others have been due to sheer exhaustion (I am also nursing a baby, exclusively, and have my five kiddos to take care of, and there have been a few nights where it hits 11 and I have JUST gotten the baby down and am just simply too exhausted to workout), but I will tell you that this whole mindset and determination has changed me.

Tomorrow I WILL workout. I will make it happen! I have taken 3 days off in a row, and refuse to take another.

Like I keep saying - the TRUTH is, the secret to losing weight is YOUR decision. Are you fed up with being.. well, I'll say it - fat? Are you sick of sitting up and feeling uncomfortable in your own skin because of the stomach SITTING in your lap? Yep- I've cried maaany times about that :-/

Are you sick of seeing pictures of yourself and wanting to rip them to shreds or delete them when you see yourself? I've gotten rid of so many pics, even if they had images of my children in them, cuz I couldn't stomach looking at myself anymore.

For the first time in a couple YEARS I fit my old pants! My other clothes are starting to slide off me... and I haven't felt this good in..... forever!

It's made me apologize to my husband for looking the way I did because HE had to stay loyal and faithful to me - his giant wife. Thank you, honey, by the way... thank you for really, truly loving ME. Cuz I have still been here, inside this suit, the whole time.

I'm down 15-16 pounds so far (in the pic below), and am going to keep pushing! I have at LEAST 40 pounds to go.. But it is going to be so worth it!

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!! NO MORE! I am not going to be a victim anymore!!!!

So! Come and join me - make the decision to change YOUR life, your body, your world
- today :)

Be who you are... unless I don't like it!!!!

That's right!!! Embrace yourself!!!

Exceeeeeept... you are probably a terrible and judgmental person if you are not like me!

Right?

This is how I feel about the pressures of our media and the rhythm that this country is beating its chest to.

It is almost like we are told to express ourselves.. but don't really! We still need to fit into whatever box we are told to squeeze into.

I feel like things are more conflicting than ever.

Who are we trying to please here? Before we know it, the only people who will be accepted are those who fit into the taboo fields and are desiring acceptance... and then "normal" society will then become the odd people, trying to fit in.

How many more of these "I love people with tattoos" groups am I going to have to keep seeing. It's weird, it's like a movement or something. I personally don't like tattoos and will not get one for myself BUT most of my friends have at least one. They have them, I don't. There is not discussion about it negatively, and when they get one I tell them I think it's pretty or cool.

But a movement - really?

I feel like people are going out of their way to go OUTSIDE the box and then stand on a soap box SCREAMING for me to conform to them orrrrrrrrr judging me for not being like them. Or even WORSE - accusing me of judging THEM!

I have my opinions about tattoos for myself, personally, or about getting a billion piercings and altering my skin, or maybe even about what food I eat (yes, I know... I can't believe it... I.. EAT....... MEAT!!!!!!!), but I am not passing judgement or disrespect on people who are different than me.

I appreciate you for who you are. BE who you are. Stop doing things to get attention. Stop being different JUST to be different. If you like tattoos, go get them. If you like meat, eat it. If you prefer veganism, refrain from meat and animal products.

Give me your opinion. Tell me what you believe. I love hearing what people have to say and what they think and I find interest in hearing when people have thoughts that are the complete opposite of me... but let's be peaceful :)

What would this world be without diversity, after all?

Please, baby, let me hear you breathe

You know when your baby was first born and you checked on him every five seconds to make sure that he was breathing when it was night time? Some nights I have moments of worry about my baby boy (the one who has a heart defect). I will lie there (completely exhausted) and the thought will pop into my head...

What if he isn't breathing? What if he just had cardiac arrest and isn't... alive... anymore? I know, it's terrible to think that way... That's when I sit still and start praying, "please God, let me hear him breathe or move... Come on baby boy - let me hear you breathe!" Most of the time that I pray that, I hear my baby (and my other kids, when they were little) suddenly move or rustle around a little.

I still check on each of my kids, every night, before I head off to sleep. Every night I make sure they're covered and sleeping comfortably, and then head to bed.

Wouldn't it be funny if OUR parents still checked if we were breathing? lol I can just imagine our parents having spy cameras set up or secret heart monitors in our beds to make sure we're still breathing in the middle of the night lol I know I'M gonna do that to MY kids when they move out >: ) mwa ha ha ha

It's such a random thought... but I thought.. ahem.. (woot repetitive!!!) that it would be aiiiight to write about. Wow I'm a poet and I didn't even... realize it (thank you, Joel McHale).

Creativity peaks when it's time to sleep

I, for one, am not a very creative person. I am not one of those awesome mommies who can come up with genius arts and crafts and make magic out of nothing. I can think of a few who I really admire (Michelle C. is one). It's like everything she touches turns to gold!

Me?

Um... here kids - a piece of PAPER that you can draw CIRCLES on and I will totally write your name so you can outline it! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!

When it comes to personal things like writing or painting, I'm not very creative either. I am seriously so impressed by people who can come up with crazy story lines or beautiful artistic masterpieces filled with colors and designs.

But there is this one time of the day when my creative juices start flowing... and that's at night! Yes - I can probably come up with solutions to end the problems of the world, AND design you your dream home while writing a Best Selling Novel ALLLL at the same time! ALL at night - when I can't actually do anything!

It's like my body is saying.... ok now that it's time to rest, let's turn on our brain and figure some stuff out! Let's make things work, fix problems, branch out and create create create!!!

Anyone else have this happen to them? lol

I'm pretty sure it's common for us to go through the events of the days while we're lying there, trying to go to bed. I bet that when our minds are occupied with the desperation of simply surviving the day, I guess there isn't much room to come up with a plan to fight world hunger or create a solution to NEVER LOSING ANOTHER SOCK AGAIN AND ALWAYS KEEPING SOCKS MATCHED (sorry - I have issues with socks... lol).

But to my friends who are so resourceful and creative during LIVING hours - I applaud you! This mommy has mommy brain allllllllllllllll the day long until it's just too late to do anything useful!

Tear me in half, please!!!!!

Well here it is - my kids are all sick... AGAIN! The other night I took my second youngest (2) upstairs with me because she was just starting the feel under the weather (and everyone else was still healthy at this point). I have had the policy that whoever is sick can sleep in bed with me so I can take care of them.

Well... by the time it was a few hours into her lying next to me, I noticed that she was sounding really bad. Almost sounded like croup for a moment there (don't think it is, though, cuz she no longer sounded like a seal barking, past that night) and I started worrying...

I CANNOT allow my baby (almost 4 months) to get sick. He's the one with the heart problem, and if he gets sick - ESPECIALLY with something respiratory related - he could come down with pneumonia which is very life-threatening to him.

I started crying as I realized that I was going to have to take Hannah, my sweet, sick little baby, downstairs and out of the same room as my infant :( All I wanted to do was hug and cuddle her, give her comfort, and make her feel better. I'm mommy - that's my job! But I couldn't... I had to make the decision that it was more critical for me to protect my baby boy from being exposed to the illness.

"TEAR ME IN HALF, PLEASE!!!!" I was crying to my husband on the phone (he's a night worker)... I wanted to keep my son safe but also be able to take care of my little sickling...

Do you ever feel like this?

Mommies seem to be called to multiple places and to do many things at once... and we are DARN good at it. But it breaks our hearts when we simply cannot do everything at the same time.

I came to peace with my decision and fell asleep praying for protection over Micah and to make Hannah feel better. I prayed that this bug would pass quickly...

My other three (Jacob 6, Leah and Lily 4) all have it now, but so far little boy seems alright. A little sniffly here and there... but his lungs sound clear so far.

Oh the balancing acts that us mothers of multiple children must perform!

And as I look for comfort, I remember that "this, too, shall pass!"

Hannah and Micah last week :)