Schedule Regular Meetings... With Your Spouse

I am regularly asked "how do you do it" ("It" being raising these kids, successfuly). I'm not going to lie even for a second and take all of the credit.  A big reason for being able to even remotely "do it" is because I have an amazing husband who is an outstanding father.  Seriously.  My husband loves these kids with everything that he has, and is so supportive to me and all that I come with. I'm blessed and so fortunate to have him when I am not doing such a stand up job with parenting or I'm having a bad moment, day, week...  or longer.

Something useful I can offer up, however, can apply to anyone. Whether you're in the same situation I am, or you're single, or you're somewhere in between.

Now, this entry is is about scheduling meetings with your spouse,  but if you don't have one, then I recommend putting time aside for your best friend or parent or sibling - basically, someone who you're willing to be brutally honest with and open to hearing some constructive criticism from. Make sure it is someone who really knows you and sees how you parent.  But for this example, I will use a husband and wife situation.

My husband and I like to go over our parenting.  How are we succeeding, currently,  and how are we failing?  Are we being too lenient in specific circumstances? Are we being too hard on the kids? Is one acting out and are we handling it the right way? Basically, are we doing the right things?

Examples :

"Honey,  I've noticed that Leah is really seeking attention lately. She is constantly announcing that she just cleaned something and that she is behaving well. Are we not showing her enough attention?  How can we make her feel loved?"

   Or

"Jake really seems to be getting frustrated lately very easily. We need to find out what is going on under the surface.  Is he having trouble at school?  With homework?  Or do you think he feels unheard, here?"

   Also

"Someone just told me that they were impressed with how loving our kids are with each other and how respectful they are. It looks like, when all is said and done, that we must be doing something right."

We will go over each child and gauge each situation.  We have 6 kids, so we have a lot of moving parts. It is really easy to slip out of good grooves when our situations change (our 5th just had a heart procedure a few days ago, for example,  and the stress that came with that clearly changed how each of us was parenting and how the children were behaving).

Having a family is not scientific,  but it is unique and unpredictable.  When you evaluate your parenting,  you open up the door to change. We are unable to always perform the way we want,  and these little meetings really give us the tools to tweak our flaws and get back on track.

I highly recommend deeply looking into your parenting and looking ahead to what kind of effects your parenting will have in the future. We have the responsibility and owe it to our kids to raise them the very best that we can. It's our duty to sharpen our tools as much as we can so that they have the most potential for successful lives as adults.

So grab a pen and schedule a time in your calendar.  And do it frequently. You will be grateful that you do.

Here we go again...

Micah is now 28 months. Actually, as of today he is 28 months! I know...  crazy mom who is still counting months once they pass 2 years....

Tomorrow, October 9th, he will be having an exploratory angiogram (heart catherization) to figure out what is going on inside his heart and what is causing him to have even lower o2 than his normal.

Quick recap: Micah has three heart defects - hypoplastic right heart syndrome (hrhs),  tricuspid atresia, and pulmonary stenosis  (didn't even KNOW that the third defect existed until I read his after visit summary a few months ago after his biannual cardiologist visit). Basically,  half of his heart is functioning and is "all there." Hrhs basically means that his right ventricle,  which carries the blood to his lungs, is not there. He has a tiny little nub of his right ventricle that does not function at all.

Due to these defects, his oxygen level is not 100% like ours, but was hovering around 83% or so on average. In recent months, since about February  (so for about 8 months) I've noticed my son getting out of breath a lot faster and his lips started getting darker, or "blue"(It looks like he has just had a sucker or popsicle all the time), which is showing lower o2.

Back in Feb, he would be out or breath by the time he got to the top of our stairs. Now, he is panting by the time he is to the 4th stair.... he gets out of breath by simply walking (or toddler-running) from one end of the room to the other. It has been breaking my heart....

Anyway, during his cardiologist visit in July,  it was discovered that his new average o2 is around 78% :'( I bought a portable pulse ox and he has actually gone as low as 70% at times.  Again... it is absolutely breaking my heart.

Because of his even lower o2, Micah was referred from his primary cardiologist to his cardiologist who works in tandem with his surgeon. His other card opted for increasing one of Micah's medications (he is on two medications,  one for blood pressure and one for lung pressure) to maximize efficiency in the exploratory cath that they will be doing.

The doctors don't know if they're going to find a blockage, which they will balloon open, or an extra blood vessel, which they'll be closing off. They may find nothing, they may find something that will result in an additional open heart surgery to fix. We simply don't know and will not have answers until tomorrow.

So this is it. This is what we are facing, currently. I'm not going to lie one bit... it has been extremely hard. It doesn't matter that he has had two open hearts or an angiogram before... it has been almost 2 years since he has had any procedure done! This little boy has my heart and is such a big part of my life... I just want him to be safe.

If you're reading this, please pray for my son's safety, and that the angiogram gives us answers and solutions.  Thank you.

Gumbo - a meal for the entire family!

*****Recipe below*****

So, admittedly, I have not been very good with staying up to date with my blogs and have not written on a regular basis for quite a while. I think that I have become so busy that I have to choose at the end of the day between a few things: do I workout AND shower? Should I finally fold the three loads of laundry that I have been ignoring? Do I sit and stare off in space at the TV or Facebook or something else that doesn't require any thinking? Oh man... how about all these blog ideas that I've been saving in my "draft" section?  Should I write those finally? I must have at least a dozen, even TWO, of blog ideas just sitting there, waiting for me to take 30 minutes and write them...

So, here I am. Didn't workout tonight... didn't wash the dishes, but I DID unload the dishwasher lol... folded a load of Sarah's (my 5 month old) clothes... zoned out for a while... and now, I get to write!

About the dish:

This gumbo was adapted from Rachael Ray's gumbo.  I tweaked several things, however,  but wanted to give credit where credit is due.

**this recipe is intended for a large family and can easily feed 6 adults or 2 adults and several young children. Cut in half if you want a smaller quantity. You can also try it out as directed and have several days of leftovers**

Ingredients:

1. 1 lb boneless skinless white chicken meat (I used chicken tenders because they're easier to cut up.) -- cut up into bite size pieces 
2. 1 lb of boneless skinless dark meat (I use thighs) -- cut up into bite size pieces 
3. 2 lbs of smoked sausage (I love Hillshire's) -- slice into bite size pieces 
4. 1 large onion -- diced (large or small, depending on how you prefer)
5. 2 large bell peppers -- seeds removed, sliced and diced.
6. Heart of celery (I like to use the entire thing, leaves and all) -- sliced up
7. Frozen sliced Ocra, about a cup and a half
8. Entire bundle of green onions - finely chopped
9. 28 Oz can of tomato sauce
10. 28 Oz can of diced tomatoes
11. 4 cups chicken stock
12. Meat seasoning,  to taste
13. Onion salt, to taste (or salt, instead)
14. Three bay leaves
15. 2 tbsp of thyme
16. 1/4 stick of butter
17. 1/4 cup of flour
18. Oil (canola, olive, whatever) to coat the pot

First of all, GOODNESS, I didn't realize how many ingredients went into this lol. I have been making this dish for at least 6 years, so probably since 2008. It has been a family and guest favorite.  It is very light and healthy, yet filling. You will not walk away from dinner feeling sick and stuffed.  Advised to serve with rice either at the bottom of the bowl or scooped on top. A dollop of sour cream is also tasty. 

There is a lot of chopping required. Prepare yourself a work area that can accommodate several bowls for organization, a large cutting board, and make sure you have a large pot to cook in. Forgive me... but I can't remember the exact number. It may be 8 quarts or more that is ideal. Just think *BIG*. Realistically, give yourself an hour at least to make this the first go around.  The chopping part may be lengthy if done by hand and not with any of those special kitchen gadgets.

Preheat your pot and cover the bottom in oil, generously (enough so that the meat doesn't burn). Season the meats and brown and fully cook half of the batch on medium-high heat and then strain out (leaving juices) and set aside in a large glass bowl. Brown and fully cook the second half and add to bowl, including all the drippings. Add butter, throw in the celery, onion, and bell peppers and season with onion salt. Sautee on medium-high until they start to soften and then add in the flour. Stir around and make sure that the veggies are covered and then make sure the flour is cooked and not left raw. 

Once it becomes pasty, add the meat back in and add the chicken stock. Bring to boil. Once boiling, add cans of tomatoes and tomato sauce. Add in bay leaves, thyme, green onions and Ocra (which can be defrosted in the microwave or left out in the fridge to defrost beforehand. If you choose not to, keep in mind that you will add time to the cooking).  Bring back up to boil. Make sure you stir along the way to help incorporate all the favors.

Lower to a simmer. The longer you let the flavors combine, the better it tastes. And voila! Dinner is finished!

Warning: it will be burning hot when served. The tomato sauce really retains the heat. Fill bowls ahead of time and set aside before you serve children.  Sometimes I throw in an ice cube for the little ones who don't understand the concept of blowing and letting their food cool. 

As stated above, serve with rice and some sour cream, if desired. 

I would say that it keeps for up to 5 days in the fridge. Tweak the ingredients to your likings and flavors.  If you want spiciness, add andouille sausage (which will need to be cooked, as opposed to the smoked, which only needs to be browned), Cheyenne pepper, red pepper flakes, etc. Variations of meats can be used, including turkey or shrimp (add shrimp in close to the end, as it will cook quickly), for example. Make it your own. Maybe this, too, will become a staple in your home!

Please let me know if you have tried out this recipe and any adjustments you've made that work for you!

Thanks for stopping by :) if you like this type of blog, let me know and perhaps I will type up a few more of Becca's famous hits ;)

Heart Hero is 2!

2 years ago, my husband and I held hands driving down to the hospital. It was time to have our 2nd son.

I had known my whole pregnancy, in my heart, that something was wrong with my baby. This awful feeling wouldn't leave me for months and months and haunted me constantly. At one point I actually considered not putting together the nursery because... "Well, I'm not going to bring home a baby from the hospital anyway, so why prepare for one?" I didn't understand why I was thinking this.

As we held hands, I prayed aloud, "Lord, God, we trust you and love our baby and will take him any way he comes."

So we happily arrive, mingle with the l&d staff, get myself hooked up to IVs and prepped for my 3rd csection.

But then my world completely stopped and everything in my life changed forever.

At 6:11pm on Friday, June 8, 2012, Micah James was born. Several hours later, he was officially diagnosed with hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia. Only half of his heart functioned the way it was supposed to. The actual birth and chaos after is below in a blog that I wrote when he was a couple months old.

All I know for certain is that my son has been BLESSED with life and that he amazes me every day. He has made me a better person and I feel incredibly lucky that I get to be his mom.

Happy second birthday, Micah. You have touched countless lives and given strength to many. You are such an innocent boy and have no idea what you've been through... Two open heart surgeries and an angiogram.... Countless doctor visits, dozens of shots, many many echo cardiograms. You inspire me to never let my circumstance determine who I am. YOU prove to me that there is a God!!!!!!

I love you, son!!!!!!!!

Micah's birth: a heartwrentching experience

Apologize to Your Kids

I think it is time for me to write a blog that I need to read, myself, on a regular basis...

Being a parent is hard, isn't it? No matter how many books, manuals, self-help blogs (ahem... ;) haha) you read, or how much advice you receive, doing the actual day to day work that it takes to be a mother or father is exhausting, hard, feels impossible, and is a challenge, isn't it? Even as I'm writing this, my youngest (21 months) is currently hitting me occasionally with a stick he found lol. The simple task of sitting down to write is being hindered.

I know I've gone through different phases ...the patient, calm, cool, and collected mom.
                                                               ...the ready-to-explode-at-any-moment mom
                                                               ...the all-knowing and able to answer anything mom
                                                               ...the lost and completely helpless mom
                                                               ...you get it.

Goodness.... all the hats we have to wear. The cook, baker, event coordinator, nanny, maid, taxi driver, referee, negotiator, disciplinarian, comforter, hero, teacher, spiritual guider... should I go on? It is relentless. Exhaaaausting!

And we're all perfect, right?

I know that I lose my cool sometimes. I get snappy, grumpy, I stare at them with frowns, raise my voice, complain, and sometimes yell. And you know what that leaves me with? Guilt. Horrible guilt deep inside.

I don't think I've announced it since I haven't written for more than six months, but I am pregnant with our sixth, and final, child. I'm 7.5 months along with our fourth daughter. Let me tell you - being pregnant with five other children running around is not an easy task.

I've been tired, SO tired. Worn out. I feel gigantic! And the kids have been fighting SO much lately. It drives me INSANE!!!!!!!

Ok, enough venting... I'm sorry.

The whole point of this blog is that we need to recognize that no matter what we're going through, we need to remember the point of it all. Why are you a mom (or a dad)? Because you wanted a family and you want to raise your child or children to be happy, healthy, prepared adults for this world.

If someone was being mean to your kid, you know that you wouldn't let that fly. Nope! Not my kid! No one had better dare to even think of treating my child wrong!

But what about you? How do you treat your kid?

When those bad days come around, become aware of it. Stop yourself. Catch yourself IN the act. Kneel down, look your child in the eyes, the same child who you've kissed scrapes, swaddled as a baby, and stayed up all night worrying about... look at him or her in the eyes and say you're sorry. Let your child know that you are human, that you make mistakes, and that you are able to apologize.

We are to stay in authority, as parents, but it is ok for them to know that we aren't perfect, just as they aren't. I know that I feel better when I level with my kids and acknowledge my own faults.

Tomorrow is a new day. Don't take the old and bad with you. Release it. Apologize to your kids, let them know how important they are, and that you love them with all your heart... enough to let go of some of your pride. Actions speak louder than words, so humble yourself and live through example by being able to say sorry and making things right.

Trust Your Intuition

Mother's intuition... What sparked the idea for this entry was when I was telling my friend tonight about the car ride I took on the way to the hospital just before my youngest was born. I will never forget that moment. Let me share with you.

My son, who was born with major and rare congenital heart diseases (hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia -- Micah's birth story here), was not diagnosed until he was a few hours old (and thank GOD for that, otherwise he would have died suddenly at about a week old). While I was pregnant with Micah, I had this continuous feeling that something was wrong. Like seriously, terribly wrong. Every time I went to the doctor and had any ultrasound, I was just waiting for them to give me the bad news. Every ultrasound, however, gave me a short-lived moment of relief when they said that his heart looked perfect and he looked great. I try not to let those words haunt me.

It got to the point that I was feeling reluctant to put together his nursery. I remember getting the thought, "Why put together things for this baby that I will never bring home from the hospital?" I simply could not shake these thoughts. I prayed and prayed... had long conversations with God about Micah. I would go to bed sometimes hugging my belly, crying and telling Micah how much I loved him, and that I hoped to be able to cuddle him once he was born.

During that drive to the hospital, I remember praying, as my husband drove, "Lord, I will take this baby however he comes." When he started breathing funny soon after he was born, I was confused. I didn't react too much. I was still. After a few hours of time in the NICU, I was wondering why I still didn't have him. That is when my husband walked in with dread on his face. He told me that Micah was going to be transferred to another hospital and that he is going to need heart surgery (and come to find out a few more hours later that he would eventually need three heart surgeries, total). My husband sat there and wept - the first time in seven years that I saw him fully break down.

And yet, I was more worried about my husband than I was about my son. I knew that Micah was in God's hands, period. I went through my own little roller coaster of shock when Micah was two days old and I was all alone on in the hospital room without my newborn and my older four were at home. But, when I was clear headed, I came to terms with what we were facing. I decided at that moment that I was going to trust God, no matter the outcome.

I praise Jesus that my son is still living. He is 14 months old and is a breath of fresh air. Smart, funny, adorable, sweet - you name it. My son is a product of God's grace and mercy.

Now, when I say that we need to trust our intuition, I'm not saying that every bad feeling is going to equal something tragic. But when you feel that something is wrong with your child, get it checked out. If the doctor says it isn't anything, but you feel differently, get a second opinion. I knew something was wrong with  Micah, and we found out eventually. The same with one of my twins, Lily. I knew something was wrong with her vision, and when her doctor didn't see it, I took her to an ophthalmologist on my own. She started wearing glasses at 19 months :)

We, as mothers, know our children more than any professional out there. They are here for advice and guidance, but when it comes down to it, YOU are responsible for your babies. You know them. You understand them. And if something in your gut is telling you other than someone else, look into it. I believe that God gives us this gift. We are biologically bound to our children, and we have been blessed to know them more intimately than any medical book or test can predict.

Stay close to your children. Hug them and kiss them often. Remember the special moments you have had in your life because of them. Remember how they have changed you. We need them just as much as they need us :)

How do you manage so many kids?

Often times, and I mean frequently, I am asked how I can possibly manage to have five children.

"I go crazy with two!"
"I only have three part time, I don't know how you do it!"

I can give you my answer: We all succeed with what we need to.

I have a friend of mine who has the three kids and is also a full time worker in a medical office. She amazes me. She works so hard and manages to keep all of her children happy and healthy. She pushes herself as far as she can go as a mother, yet still works 8 hours shifts five days a week. How does she do it?

Another friend of mine has been a single mother for nearly two years. She has faced some significant obstacles financially, but was always optimistic and found ways around them. Her daughter is extremely intelligent and well-rounded. How has she done it?

In the end, we must follow through with what we are handed. Or, what we hand ourselves.

I chose to have five kids. Well, my husband and I did haha. We accepted the responsibility the moment we decided to conceive each of these babies (yes, all were planned. Well... one of the twins was  surprise ;) haha).

Is it hard? Heck yes it is! How often do I go out with friends? Randomly and for limited hours when I do... but I'm ok with that. I know that every single Friday night is going to be spent home. My husband works nights and goes to school once a week, so I only have help with bed time one time a week. Is it hard? Yes. But it's ok. It is my life. It's what I'm used to.

If I suddenly had ten kids I think I'd go crazy! But hey! Looks at the Duggars! 19 children?! Yet they are managed well, they're intelligent and happy, well-mannered children. They handle what they set out to take care of.

To you parents of one: I applaud you, really. I remember having one. It is not simple. Your whole life revolves around your kids no matter how many you have. Whether it is one or seven, we're all in the same boat. We must strive to push forward with our parenting and sharpen our abilities at every chance we get.

I, by far, am no super mom. Yes, my children are well-behaved (for the MOST part LOL they still have their spaz moments), loving, and amazing children (in my eyes anyway :) haha) BUT I still struggle with keeping up with the daily drag of laundry, dishes, messes, and my list of things to clean and fix. It is a never-ending battle to complete everything every day. But THAT IS OK!

Not ONE of us is perfect - no matter how many friends of yours posts pictures and statuses of how many cakes they baked while vacuuming AND nursing a baby at the same time. We must remember that it is human nature to fail... but it is also our nature to get right back up and push onward to improve where we've failed.

As I close for tonight, renew your faith in yourself. You can do ANYTHING that has been set in front of you to complete. Do not let doubt and frustration get in the way. Take a deep breath - plan or change what needs attention. You're going to be ok :)