On My Momma's Chest - Love, Micah

Hi mommy!
Now, you pay attention here...
Look deep into my eyes
And open up your ears.

Here goes another battle.
It is upon us.
Don't you forget who's in charge, though!
Remember Jesus?

Don't make me grab your hair,
You look back at me!
Momma, don't look sad.
I'm sitting here, smiling!

We don't know what the future holds,
And yes I know, it's scary.
But remember who made my heart.
And remember that His does not grow weary.

Look at this grin across my face,
And see the cute strands of drool slide down.
I promise I will give you no reason
To cry or frown.

I met Jesus in the operating room
Just a few months ago.
He held the surgeon's hands
And kept my heart beating to and fro.

He let me know that He loves you,
Too, Momma. He really does!
He also said he's the same today,
Just like yesterday, he was.

He promised me that
I can trust him and that you need to let go.
Momma... I love you!!
Look down into my face and know!

I love reaching up and grabbing your cheek.
You always tickle me and I love to squeal!
Momma, you always hug me just the right way
And you have helped my heart become strong enough to heal.

One week to go till I get to
Feel Jesus' touch again!
I really loved His gentle hands
And could hear every echoing "amen."

When I grow up I am going to
Make you so proud, mommy.
So stop your tears
And have some faith in me.

Let me hold your face in my gooey hands,
And hold on to me like you always do.
Stay in constant prayer and please,
Don't forget to thank "you know who."

Sometimes God allows us to go through things
To learn how to really trust Him.
I've learned this in my many years... Um..
Months... of wisdom.

So smile right now, momma!!!
Let's laugh together and play till we need rest!
Let my heart beat as I listen to yours while I fall asleep
In the safest place in this world... On my momma's chest.

Love Micah - 5 1/2 months old and wise beyond his... "years" :)

Blessed Beyond Belief

Feeling in the spirit and inspired by this time of year... Been thinking a lot about what I have in my life to be grateful for, and checking myself to make sure that I am not taking things for granted...

I feel so overly blessed in this life! I have five  children... wow! So many women can't conceive.. I am truly fortunate to be able to carry all these babies and experience raising them.

The older four with my dad at the library :)

Jacob, my 6 year old, is so smart and such a hard worker. He is in 1st grade, and pushes himself in school and genuinely cares about succeeding. My husband and I are SO proud of him. He's a great brother to his siblings and loves them and protects them. He is a great example for the younger babes to look up to. I love his tender heart. Thinking back to one day of my pregnancy, my husband and I were daydreaming about what Jake would be like... we listed that he would be smart, funny, handsome, have a great personality, and he is everything we imagined.

Leah, one of my 4 year old twins, is so beautiful, sweet, and full of love and life. As I watch her grow, I see so much of my personality in her with the way she thinks, approaches things, and hopes for people's approval. I see the way her mind works.. and I understand her. Sometimes that worries me because I let a bunch of my insecurities drive my life as a child and young adult... but at least I know how to help her and reassure her that she is perfect the way she is. Her soul is beautiful. I love my little animated baby.

Lily, my other 4 year old twin, is gentle, yet completely rambunctious and wild! She is sweet, beautiful, and makes me proud. I could leave her on the bed holding Micah all day, and she would stay put without moving. She is such a little mommy. I can see the love and tenderness in her eyes. She, in many MANY way, is a clone of my sister and best friend, Rachael. She is accident prone and trips over air... but is the most giving child. She likes her independence, but can be a leader whenever she chooses. I felt a deep connection to her the day after she was born and she was having trouble eating and gaining weight... when they threatened to take her to the NICU to oversee her eating, something inside of me pushed an aggressive momma bear out and I refused to let her go there without me trying everything I could to keep her -- she ended up never having to leave me :)

My three beauties in their ballet class

Hannah, my 2 year old, is the little performer of the bunch. She can captivate a room and audience of any age. Her beauty and innocence is amazing and lovely. She is hilarious and extremely intelligent. Her strong will and determination lets me know that I won't have to worry about her when she grows up, which is something my dad always said about me. I know she will be wise and in control. She is such a special little girl.

the three girls kissing Micah before bed

Micah, my 5 month old, blows me away every day. He has completely changed my life. The fact that he has hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia (his congenital heart disease/defects) is almost portrayed in his life like it doesn't exist. His strength has stirred a new perspective of my own in this world. Micah is beautiful, happy, joyful, content, hilarious, and the most remarkable human being I know. He may not understand anything about his own condition... but I do.. and as I see his face fill with laughter and light up with smiles, the tears fill my eyes because I know how much he has gone through and will continue to face... and I know he will be an optimistic and Godly man.

The five paragraphs above about my children lay out the smallest amount of what I am grateful for in this life. It is simply just too much to list. I could go on and on about how lucky I am... but I'm afraid I would keep you here far longer than you would want.

At Micah's dedication to God Sept 2012 :)

Everything else in my life has also been abundantly blessed. I have a man who has been committed to me for nearly 8 years... and WOW did he have to go through some things with me in order to reap the mature and stable me now haha. He had to watch me grow from an 18 year old teenager to the 26 year old woman I am now, today. I thank you for that, honey.

Our baby boy has his second open heart surgery in only two more weeks... but we are ready. We are prepared for whatever God has laid out for us.

HE is the biggest blessing of all - my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... I can do ALL things in Christ, who strengthens me... I will not be alone, for He has stayed with me through everything in my life.

Sometimes we face tragedies and hardships, but I firmly believe that anything that we experience in our life can be dealt with and that it doesn't have to defeat us. Finding out my baby almost died and would face three open heart surgeries by the time he was three years old was the biggest shock of my life - but nothing in this world is too big for our God to handle. The peace that we came to about accepting God's control has taken us through the valleys and the peaks. Understanding that we are never alone speaks volumes to me...

As I was breaking down and uncontrollably sobbing in the wake of the news about my baby boy... I had a moment and realization that this "faith" we all talk about as Christians was about to come into play in my life. When you are left with faith as your only avenue in your life, you truly learn what it means. Faith was all I had. And I thank Jesus for saving my soul... and for saving my son's life.

I know this was long... and perhaps most people didn't make it down to the bottom of the page... but this life is such a blessing. I am blessed beyond belief... And no matter what may happen in the future - whether my baby boy is among the 78% of children who make it past age 5 with hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia... or if he falls among the 22%.... I will trust God and thank Him for the time I was blessed with :)

What are you thankful for, today?

21 days till Micah's next open heart!

The day is coming quickly for my chunky little boy to have his next open heart surgery!

To give a quick review of my baby boy (or new info to those of you who might be reading up on baby boy for the first time - the pic is showing one of his defects. The other is so rare I couldn't find a diagram of it):

~~~Micah was born in June of this year with a major heart defect combo called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia (his birth story is in a previous blog and soon I will be writing a more detailed blog on what exactly his congenital heart disease is). He had his first open heart surgery when he was 11 days old. Not only was it successful, but Micah is one of the best cases they've seen. He has been blessed to be the best case scenario every step of the way. THANK YOU, JESUS!!

As of tomorrow, Micah will be 5 months old! Can't believe how quickly this has gone by... We have savored EVERY moment. Having this child has changed my LIFE. When he has kept me up at night and has been super cranky, I literally say aloud, "you are worth it, baby! I am so happy you are here crying and keeping me up instead of keeping myself up with tears, mourning the loss you."

This is one thing I want to thank God for. If it wasn't for Micah, I might not be as grateful for the things that I have in my life. There is ALWAYS something positive to look at in every situation I face. My family has recently gone through a terrible sickness - at least we weren't victims of the hurricane on the east coast (and prayers have been sent out to those suffering and families who have lost members :-/ May God touch them!). There is ALWAYS something positive that can come out of negative. God uses our situations for His good always.

So - three weeks to go...

Micah will be going in on Nov 28 - the wed after Thanksgiving. We don't have a time yet, but it will most likely be early morning. The day before we will be bringing him in for blood work (they need to match his blood to donors - my husband and his sister are donating, as well as a close friend of mine :) THANK YOU!).

During this operation, Micah will be put on the heart bypass machine (which is why they'll need the blood). The surgery will last 2-3 hours, and they should have him off the ventilator before he's rolled out to us (last time they took about a day to wean him off of it - lots of cases take DAYS so our baby boy is very strong).

The first operation had an 85 to 90% chance of survival - this one has a 98%!!! Praise Jesus!

It will make more sense when I describe exactly what is wrong with his heart, but this surgery they will be removing a shunt and connecting blood flow to his lungs from the upper half of his body. The third (and final) operation (when he's 3 years) will connect the lower half of his body to his lungs and then they will bypass his heart and create a passageway to his lungs that will passively allow blood to flow in there (the pump that makes blood go to his lungs didn't develop).

He is expected to be released from the hospital 2-4 days after surgery (a heck of a lot faster than the projected 2-3 weeks from last time - he came home after only 6 days though :)!!!).

Our boy is strong and pushes us to be stronger, as well. Your prayers and support are welcome and appreciated. Thank you so much to everyone who has already given us the backing we've needed!

We are ready for this, God! Hanging onto You tight!