God Sees Us

He doesn't see us as the old, bitter woman.
He doesn't see us as the sinful cheat or liar.
He doesn't see us as the unfaithful husband or wife.
He doesn't see us as the rebellious and disrespectful teenager.
He doesn't see us as the little boy with the horrible attitude.
He doesn't see us as the toddler who is disobeying over and over again.

No.

He sees us as the innocent infant who is looking up at her mother.
He sees us as the child who has full faith and trust in his daddy.
He sees us as the unscathed and perfect newborn.

God sees you. He sees you without your sins. He sees you with blinders to wrong.

You are His child.
You are his pride.

As the infant wakes and seeks comfort in his mother's arms, so must we seek Him.
He is safe, and he loves us with the undeniable love that a mother has for her baby.
He loves us with the same love that keeps a father going, working till his knuckles bleed, to provide for and protect that child.

You are loved, child of God.

You are loved

It could always be better, but it could also be worse...

As I pulled into home this morning, after dropping my older three off at school, I caught a glimpse of the pretty brick design that is in the center of my driveway. For some reason, it made me start thinking about how nice we have it in life.

I feel like a lot of people really take for granted the good things in life and never have a shortage of things to complain about. This includes myself. Seeing the pretty brick design, I thought... "How many people have a nice driveway? How many people even have a driveway? How many people have a nice house? How many people have a place to live?"

I could have a bigger house. I could have a perfectly organized and gorgeous home inside.  I could have every bit of my life picture perfect. I could have more things.  But it could be a whole lot worse,  don't you think?

It is chilly days like today, as I'm bundling up with my warm coat, when I think about the homeless. The honest-to-God homeless. The hungry children going to school. The dad tirelessly looking for work without any success. The defeated mother who feels torn between staying home with her children, or working, and giving them a Christmas this year. The family who is feverishly waiting for their child to make it through surgery this morning. My life really could be a whole lot worse and less convenient.

Mindset is a magical and very strong thing. Some things can't be changed,  but perception and positivity can make a difference in your life. Forgive your mom today. Renew the friendship and love you have for your brother. Let go of the grudge you have against your husband.  Reexamine yourself and honestly search for the things that you might be holding yourself back from.  Happiness is attainable, no matter the situation. Give more.  Become more selfless. It is so rewarding to focus on someone beyond yourself.

So ya... just thinking... things can always be better,  but they sure can always be worse.  Look at your life today and see the good things :-) I hope you have a blessed day!

Results from Micah's Heart Cath from last week

On Oct 9, Micah had a heart catherization  (angiogram) because his o2 level has dropped to a new low. He used to be around 81-83% oxygen,  but lately he has been hovering around 78% regularly.

The purpose of this procedure was to search around for a cause. They were not able to find anything, though. There wasn't anything blocking blood flow or any extra blood vessels carrying blood away from his lungs. In fact, there was actually an extra vessel carrying blood TO his lungs, which is doing nothing but helping.

The doctor said that the function on the left side of his heart (reminder: Micah's right heart does not function. He relies solely on his left side) is excellent. The pressures are fine and nothing that they could find is causing his o2 to drop. Micah will require a third open heart surgery, as we have known, and this lower o2 is just showing readiness for the operation. He won't be able to have it for a while, however, because he needs to be big enough. The doctors want him to be 30 pounds or so, and he is teetering between 24.5 and 25lbs.

I just got a call this morning from his main cardiologist, and he had a conference this past Friday with the cardiologist who performed the cath. They discussed the medications he is taking and decided that they want to completely take him off of one of them.  They said that it isn't having any effect on his o2 (it is supposed to be helping him use his available o2 more efficiently). They raised it from 3.7ml twice a day to 5.5ml three times a day before his angiogram, and it didn't change his o2 at all.

We are going to step him down and he will be completely off of it in 2 weeks. I'm nervous... next month will make two years of him being on it. I'm praying that it goes well and he is ok without it. He will continue to have his other medication twice a day, though. This is good news, though. Lesser medicine is always better than more, right?

As for the actual procedure,  it was a breeze.  We got there with no traffic (that's amazing when you're driving to Hollywood), and we checked in and got him processed without issues. They had me give him some medicine to relax him, and he was so loopy and relaxed, it was hilarious.  He told my husband that he had two eyes (reminded me of David After Dentist on youtube). At one point he was licking my tablet and putting his nose up against it lol he was super sweet and funny.

My husband and I were able to walk into the Cath lab and stayed with him until he was put under. He was in there for about 2 hours. One of my best friends stayed with our 6 month old in the waiting room, so we sat with her after she and I grabbed some breakfast.  The baby was extremely well behaved and the time flew by. Before we knew it, the doctor was walking in and we were hearing all this good news :)

While we were there, we got to meet a friend I made through a heart group I'm a part of who has an amazing heart journey of her own. She is 27 years old and has survived a plethora of open heart surgeries and operations. She has all three of the defects that Micah has, plus some others including her heart being on the right side of her body, upside down, and flipped! She is a true inspiration.  If I wasn't so wrapped up in what was going on with Micah at the time, I probably would have been completely overwhelmed by meeting her.  What a hero my son has to look up to! She met Micah before the end of the day.

When we got called back, Micah was a bit groggy at first, but he came out of the anesthesia well. They did an echo cardiogram to make sure that everything was fine post cath. Everything looked great and Micah cooperated with the tech.  We were able to load up into the car within 7 hours of getting there, I believe, and we got home with NO traffic. Again, that is amazing when you're leaving LA on a weekday at 230 in the afternoon.  God seriously had his hand on everything.  He is so good to us!

There is so much hope for our boy! Thank you to everyone who looked out and prayed for us. Micah has a bright future :)

Schedule Regular Meetings... With Your Spouse

I am regularly asked "how do you do it" ("It" being raising these kids, successfuly). I'm not going to lie even for a second and take all of the credit.  A big reason for being able to even remotely "do it" is because I have an amazing husband who is an outstanding father.  Seriously.  My husband loves these kids with everything that he has, and is so supportive to me and all that I come with. I'm blessed and so fortunate to have him when I am not doing such a stand up job with parenting or I'm having a bad moment, day, week...  or longer.

Something useful I can offer up, however, can apply to anyone. Whether you're in the same situation I am, or you're single, or you're somewhere in between.

Now, this entry is is about scheduling meetings with your spouse,  but if you don't have one, then I recommend putting time aside for your best friend or parent or sibling - basically, someone who you're willing to be brutally honest with and open to hearing some constructive criticism from. Make sure it is someone who really knows you and sees how you parent.  But for this example, I will use a husband and wife situation.

My husband and I like to go over our parenting.  How are we succeeding, currently,  and how are we failing?  Are we being too lenient in specific circumstances? Are we being too hard on the kids? Is one acting out and are we handling it the right way? Basically, are we doing the right things?

Examples :

"Honey,  I've noticed that Leah is really seeking attention lately. She is constantly announcing that she just cleaned something and that she is behaving well. Are we not showing her enough attention?  How can we make her feel loved?"

   Or

"Jake really seems to be getting frustrated lately very easily. We need to find out what is going on under the surface.  Is he having trouble at school?  With homework?  Or do you think he feels unheard, here?"

   Also

"Someone just told me that they were impressed with how loving our kids are with each other and how respectful they are. It looks like, when all is said and done, that we must be doing something right."

We will go over each child and gauge each situation.  We have 6 kids, so we have a lot of moving parts. It is really easy to slip out of good grooves when our situations change (our 5th just had a heart procedure a few days ago, for example,  and the stress that came with that clearly changed how each of us was parenting and how the children were behaving).

Having a family is not scientific,  but it is unique and unpredictable.  When you evaluate your parenting,  you open up the door to change. We are unable to always perform the way we want,  and these little meetings really give us the tools to tweak our flaws and get back on track.

I highly recommend deeply looking into your parenting and looking ahead to what kind of effects your parenting will have in the future. We have the responsibility and owe it to our kids to raise them the very best that we can. It's our duty to sharpen our tools as much as we can so that they have the most potential for successful lives as adults.

So grab a pen and schedule a time in your calendar.  And do it frequently. You will be grateful that you do.

Here we go again...

Micah is now 28 months. Actually, as of today he is 28 months! I know...  crazy mom who is still counting months once they pass 2 years....

Tomorrow, October 9th, he will be having an exploratory angiogram (heart catherization) to figure out what is going on inside his heart and what is causing him to have even lower o2 than his normal.

Quick recap: Micah has three heart defects - hypoplastic right heart syndrome (hrhs),  tricuspid atresia, and pulmonary stenosis  (didn't even KNOW that the third defect existed until I read his after visit summary a few months ago after his biannual cardiologist visit). Basically,  half of his heart is functioning and is "all there." Hrhs basically means that his right ventricle,  which carries the blood to his lungs, is not there. He has a tiny little nub of his right ventricle that does not function at all.

Due to these defects, his oxygen level is not 100% like ours, but was hovering around 83% or so on average. In recent months, since about February  (so for about 8 months) I've noticed my son getting out of breath a lot faster and his lips started getting darker, or "blue"(It looks like he has just had a sucker or popsicle all the time), which is showing lower o2.

Back in Feb, he would be out or breath by the time he got to the top of our stairs. Now, he is panting by the time he is to the 4th stair.... he gets out of breath by simply walking (or toddler-running) from one end of the room to the other. It has been breaking my heart....

Anyway, during his cardiologist visit in July,  it was discovered that his new average o2 is around 78% :'( I bought a portable pulse ox and he has actually gone as low as 70% at times.  Again... it is absolutely breaking my heart.

Because of his even lower o2, Micah was referred from his primary cardiologist to his cardiologist who works in tandem with his surgeon. His other card opted for increasing one of Micah's medications (he is on two medications,  one for blood pressure and one for lung pressure) to maximize efficiency in the exploratory cath that they will be doing.

The doctors don't know if they're going to find a blockage, which they will balloon open, or an extra blood vessel, which they'll be closing off. They may find nothing, they may find something that will result in an additional open heart surgery to fix. We simply don't know and will not have answers until tomorrow.

So this is it. This is what we are facing, currently. I'm not going to lie one bit... it has been extremely hard. It doesn't matter that he has had two open hearts or an angiogram before... it has been almost 2 years since he has had any procedure done! This little boy has my heart and is such a big part of my life... I just want him to be safe.

If you're reading this, please pray for my son's safety, and that the angiogram gives us answers and solutions.  Thank you.

Gumbo - a meal for the entire family!

*****Recipe below*****

So, admittedly, I have not been very good with staying up to date with my blogs and have not written on a regular basis for quite a while. I think that I have become so busy that I have to choose at the end of the day between a few things: do I workout AND shower? Should I finally fold the three loads of laundry that I have been ignoring? Do I sit and stare off in space at the TV or Facebook or something else that doesn't require any thinking? Oh man... how about all these blog ideas that I've been saving in my "draft" section?  Should I write those finally? I must have at least a dozen, even TWO, of blog ideas just sitting there, waiting for me to take 30 minutes and write them...

So, here I am. Didn't workout tonight... didn't wash the dishes, but I DID unload the dishwasher lol... folded a load of Sarah's (my 5 month old) clothes... zoned out for a while... and now, I get to write!

About the dish:

This gumbo was adapted from Rachael Ray's gumbo.  I tweaked several things, however,  but wanted to give credit where credit is due.

**this recipe is intended for a large family and can easily feed 6 adults or 2 adults and several young children. Cut in half if you want a smaller quantity. You can also try it out as directed and have several days of leftovers**

Ingredients:

1. 1 lb boneless skinless white chicken meat (I used chicken tenders because they're easier to cut up.) -- cut up into bite size pieces 
2. 1 lb of boneless skinless dark meat (I use thighs) -- cut up into bite size pieces 
3. 2 lbs of smoked sausage (I love Hillshire's) -- slice into bite size pieces 
4. 1 large onion -- diced (large or small, depending on how you prefer)
5. 2 large bell peppers -- seeds removed, sliced and diced.
6. Heart of celery (I like to use the entire thing, leaves and all) -- sliced up
7. Frozen sliced Ocra, about a cup and a half
8. Entire bundle of green onions - finely chopped
9. 28 Oz can of tomato sauce
10. 28 Oz can of diced tomatoes
11. 4 cups chicken stock
12. Meat seasoning,  to taste
13. Onion salt, to taste (or salt, instead)
14. Three bay leaves
15. 2 tbsp of thyme
16. 1/4 stick of butter
17. 1/4 cup of flour
18. Oil (canola, olive, whatever) to coat the pot

First of all, GOODNESS, I didn't realize how many ingredients went into this lol. I have been making this dish for at least 6 years, so probably since 2008. It has been a family and guest favorite.  It is very light and healthy, yet filling. You will not walk away from dinner feeling sick and stuffed.  Advised to serve with rice either at the bottom of the bowl or scooped on top. A dollop of sour cream is also tasty. 

There is a lot of chopping required. Prepare yourself a work area that can accommodate several bowls for organization, a large cutting board, and make sure you have a large pot to cook in. Forgive me... but I can't remember the exact number. It may be 8 quarts or more that is ideal. Just think *BIG*. Realistically, give yourself an hour at least to make this the first go around.  The chopping part may be lengthy if done by hand and not with any of those special kitchen gadgets.

Preheat your pot and cover the bottom in oil, generously (enough so that the meat doesn't burn). Season the meats and brown and fully cook half of the batch on medium-high heat and then strain out (leaving juices) and set aside in a large glass bowl. Brown and fully cook the second half and add to bowl, including all the drippings. Add butter, throw in the celery, onion, and bell peppers and season with onion salt. Sautee on medium-high until they start to soften and then add in the flour. Stir around and make sure that the veggies are covered and then make sure the flour is cooked and not left raw. 

Once it becomes pasty, add the meat back in and add the chicken stock. Bring to boil. Once boiling, add cans of tomatoes and tomato sauce. Add in bay leaves, thyme, green onions and Ocra (which can be defrosted in the microwave or left out in the fridge to defrost beforehand. If you choose not to, keep in mind that you will add time to the cooking).  Bring back up to boil. Make sure you stir along the way to help incorporate all the favors.

Lower to a simmer. The longer you let the flavors combine, the better it tastes. And voila! Dinner is finished!

Warning: it will be burning hot when served. The tomato sauce really retains the heat. Fill bowls ahead of time and set aside before you serve children.  Sometimes I throw in an ice cube for the little ones who don't understand the concept of blowing and letting their food cool. 

As stated above, serve with rice and some sour cream, if desired. 

I would say that it keeps for up to 5 days in the fridge. Tweak the ingredients to your likings and flavors.  If you want spiciness, add andouille sausage (which will need to be cooked, as opposed to the smoked, which only needs to be browned), Cheyenne pepper, red pepper flakes, etc. Variations of meats can be used, including turkey or shrimp (add shrimp in close to the end, as it will cook quickly), for example. Make it your own. Maybe this, too, will become a staple in your home!

Please let me know if you have tried out this recipe and any adjustments you've made that work for you!

Thanks for stopping by :) if you like this type of blog, let me know and perhaps I will type up a few more of Becca's famous hits ;)

Heart Hero is 2!

2 years ago, my husband and I held hands driving down to the hospital. It was time to have our 2nd son.

I had known my whole pregnancy, in my heart, that something was wrong with my baby. This awful feeling wouldn't leave me for months and months and haunted me constantly. At one point I actually considered not putting together the nursery because... "Well, I'm not going to bring home a baby from the hospital anyway, so why prepare for one?" I didn't understand why I was thinking this.

As we held hands, I prayed aloud, "Lord, God, we trust you and love our baby and will take him any way he comes."

So we happily arrive, mingle with the l&d staff, get myself hooked up to IVs and prepped for my 3rd csection.

But then my world completely stopped and everything in my life changed forever.

At 6:11pm on Friday, June 8, 2012, Micah James was born. Several hours later, he was officially diagnosed with hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia. Only half of his heart functioned the way it was supposed to. The actual birth and chaos after is below in a blog that I wrote when he was a couple months old.

All I know for certain is that my son has been BLESSED with life and that he amazes me every day. He has made me a better person and I feel incredibly lucky that I get to be his mom.

Happy second birthday, Micah. You have touched countless lives and given strength to many. You are such an innocent boy and have no idea what you've been through... Two open heart surgeries and an angiogram.... Countless doctor visits, dozens of shots, many many echo cardiograms. You inspire me to never let my circumstance determine who I am. YOU prove to me that there is a God!!!!!!

I love you, son!!!!!!!!

Micah's birth: a heartwrentching experience

Apologize to Your Kids

I think it is time for me to write a blog that I need to read, myself, on a regular basis...

Being a parent is hard, isn't it? No matter how many books, manuals, self-help blogs (ahem... ;) haha) you read, or how much advice you receive, doing the actual day to day work that it takes to be a mother or father is exhausting, hard, feels impossible, and is a challenge, isn't it? Even as I'm writing this, my youngest (21 months) is currently hitting me occasionally with a stick he found lol. The simple task of sitting down to write is being hindered.

I know I've gone through different phases ...the patient, calm, cool, and collected mom.
                                                               ...the ready-to-explode-at-any-moment mom
                                                               ...the all-knowing and able to answer anything mom
                                                               ...the lost and completely helpless mom
                                                               ...you get it.

Goodness.... all the hats we have to wear. The cook, baker, event coordinator, nanny, maid, taxi driver, referee, negotiator, disciplinarian, comforter, hero, teacher, spiritual guider... should I go on? It is relentless. Exhaaaausting!

And we're all perfect, right?

I know that I lose my cool sometimes. I get snappy, grumpy, I stare at them with frowns, raise my voice, complain, and sometimes yell. And you know what that leaves me with? Guilt. Horrible guilt deep inside.

I don't think I've announced it since I haven't written for more than six months, but I am pregnant with our sixth, and final, child. I'm 7.5 months along with our fourth daughter. Let me tell you - being pregnant with five other children running around is not an easy task.

I've been tired, SO tired. Worn out. I feel gigantic! And the kids have been fighting SO much lately. It drives me INSANE!!!!!!!

Ok, enough venting... I'm sorry.

The whole point of this blog is that we need to recognize that no matter what we're going through, we need to remember the point of it all. Why are you a mom (or a dad)? Because you wanted a family and you want to raise your child or children to be happy, healthy, prepared adults for this world.

If someone was being mean to your kid, you know that you wouldn't let that fly. Nope! Not my kid! No one had better dare to even think of treating my child wrong!

But what about you? How do you treat your kid?

When those bad days come around, become aware of it. Stop yourself. Catch yourself IN the act. Kneel down, look your child in the eyes, the same child who you've kissed scrapes, swaddled as a baby, and stayed up all night worrying about... look at him or her in the eyes and say you're sorry. Let your child know that you are human, that you make mistakes, and that you are able to apologize.

We are to stay in authority, as parents, but it is ok for them to know that we aren't perfect, just as they aren't. I know that I feel better when I level with my kids and acknowledge my own faults.

Tomorrow is a new day. Don't take the old and bad with you. Release it. Apologize to your kids, let them know how important they are, and that you love them with all your heart... enough to let go of some of your pride. Actions speak louder than words, so humble yourself and live through example by being able to say sorry and making things right.