Trust Your Intuition

Mother's intuition... What sparked the idea for this entry was when I was telling my friend tonight about the car ride I took on the way to the hospital just before my youngest was born. I will never forget that moment. Let me share with you.

My son, who was born with major and rare congenital heart diseases (hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia -- Micah's birth story here), was not diagnosed until he was a few hours old (and thank GOD for that, otherwise he would have died suddenly at about a week old). While I was pregnant with Micah, I had this continuous feeling that something was wrong. Like seriously, terribly wrong. Every time I went to the doctor and had any ultrasound, I was just waiting for them to give me the bad news. Every ultrasound, however, gave me a short-lived moment of relief when they said that his heart looked perfect and he looked great. I try not to let those words haunt me.

It got to the point that I was feeling reluctant to put together his nursery. I remember getting the thought, "Why put together things for this baby that I will never bring home from the hospital?" I simply could not shake these thoughts. I prayed and prayed... had long conversations with God about Micah. I would go to bed sometimes hugging my belly, crying and telling Micah how much I loved him, and that I hoped to be able to cuddle him once he was born.

During that drive to the hospital, I remember praying, as my husband drove, "Lord, I will take this baby however he comes." When he started breathing funny soon after he was born, I was confused. I didn't react too much. I was still. After a few hours of time in the NICU, I was wondering why I still didn't have him. That is when my husband walked in with dread on his face. He told me that Micah was going to be transferred to another hospital and that he is going to need heart surgery (and come to find out a few more hours later that he would eventually need three heart surgeries, total). My husband sat there and wept - the first time in seven years that I saw him fully break down.

And yet, I was more worried about my husband than I was about my son. I knew that Micah was in God's hands, period. I went through my own little roller coaster of shock when Micah was two days old and I was all alone on in the hospital room without my newborn and my older four were at home. But, when I was clear headed, I came to terms with what we were facing. I decided at that moment that I was going to trust God, no matter the outcome.

I praise Jesus that my son is still living. He is 14 months old and is a breath of fresh air. Smart, funny, adorable, sweet - you name it. My son is a product of God's grace and mercy.

Now, when I say that we need to trust our intuition, I'm not saying that every bad feeling is going to equal something tragic. But when you feel that something is wrong with your child, get it checked out. If the doctor says it isn't anything, but you feel differently, get a second opinion. I knew something was wrong with  Micah, and we found out eventually. The same with one of my twins, Lily. I knew something was wrong with her vision, and when her doctor didn't see it, I took her to an ophthalmologist on my own. She started wearing glasses at 19 months :)

We, as mothers, know our children more than any professional out there. They are here for advice and guidance, but when it comes down to it, YOU are responsible for your babies. You know them. You understand them. And if something in your gut is telling you other than someone else, look into it. I believe that God gives us this gift. We are biologically bound to our children, and we have been blessed to know them more intimately than any medical book or test can predict.

Stay close to your children. Hug them and kiss them often. Remember the special moments you have had in your life because of them. Remember how they have changed you. We need them just as much as they need us :)

How do you manage so many kids?

Often times, and I mean frequently, I am asked how I can possibly manage to have five children.

"I go crazy with two!"
"I only have three part time, I don't know how you do it!"

I can give you my answer: We all succeed with what we need to.

I have a friend of mine who has the three kids and is also a full time worker in a medical office. She amazes me. She works so hard and manages to keep all of her children happy and healthy. She pushes herself as far as she can go as a mother, yet still works 8 hours shifts five days a week. How does she do it?

Another friend of mine has been a single mother for nearly two years. She has faced some significant obstacles financially, but was always optimistic and found ways around them. Her daughter is extremely intelligent and well-rounded. How has she done it?

In the end, we must follow through with what we are handed. Or, what we hand ourselves.

I chose to have five kids. Well, my husband and I did haha. We accepted the responsibility the moment we decided to conceive each of these babies (yes, all were planned. Well... one of the twins was  surprise ;) haha).

Is it hard? Heck yes it is! How often do I go out with friends? Randomly and for limited hours when I do... but I'm ok with that. I know that every single Friday night is going to be spent home. My husband works nights and goes to school once a week, so I only have help with bed time one time a week. Is it hard? Yes. But it's ok. It is my life. It's what I'm used to.

If I suddenly had ten kids I think I'd go crazy! But hey! Looks at the Duggars! 19 children?! Yet they are managed well, they're intelligent and happy, well-mannered children. They handle what they set out to take care of.

To you parents of one: I applaud you, really. I remember having one. It is not simple. Your whole life revolves around your kids no matter how many you have. Whether it is one or seven, we're all in the same boat. We must strive to push forward with our parenting and sharpen our abilities at every chance we get.

I, by far, am no super mom. Yes, my children are well-behaved (for the MOST part LOL they still have their spaz moments), loving, and amazing children (in my eyes anyway :) haha) BUT I still struggle with keeping up with the daily drag of laundry, dishes, messes, and my list of things to clean and fix. It is a never-ending battle to complete everything every day. But THAT IS OK!

Not ONE of us is perfect - no matter how many friends of yours posts pictures and statuses of how many cakes they baked while vacuuming AND nursing a baby at the same time. We must remember that it is human nature to fail... but it is also our nature to get right back up and push onward to improve where we've failed.

As I close for tonight, renew your faith in yourself. You can do ANYTHING that has been set in front of you to complete. Do not let doubt and frustration get in the way. Take a deep breath - plan or change what needs attention. You're going to be ok :)