How should I approach this misbehavior, bad attitude, and short fuse that my child has? I found myself getting frustrated every single day, with my threshold for tolerance getting smaller. I anticipated the fits, back talk, and explosive behavior. I expected it to happen. And when it did, I was already on the verge of flipping out. Every day was a nightmare. I was losing compassion for my daughter. Some days, I started off already angry with her, and ready for her to mess up before I blew up. I was losing faith in her. I didn't think that she was going to behave or have a good day at all.
I was hating the person I was becoming. How is it possible to have so much disdain for a child that I carried for 9 months and gave birth to?
One day, this popped into my head... how would I want to be treated as a child? How would I hope and pray that my parents would react to any bad behavior or tendencies that I developed? I know that I would want forgiveness, understanding, and hope that my mom and dad would have patience with me.
I want to see my child the way that I would want to be seen. It is my job, as her mother, as the adult in the relationship, to be the bigger person - always. Being a parent is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and part of it is because we can't have any excuses when it comes to parenting the right way. We. Are. The. Adults. We need to be the ones held responsible when it comes to messing up. If we aren't, they're never going to learn. They're not going to develop properly.
There is still hope for them. Based on how we treat them, they will be able to get over their bad behaviors and not make it a permanent part of who they are, when they're adults. It is our job to nip bad behavior in the butt, and we need to do it the right way. Being angry, forceful, sarcastic, impatient, etc, will only cement their behavior. We need to take deep breaths, walk out of the room to calm down, cry in the corner, and then return, and deal with these children as the adults.
I'm saying this.. because I have been guilty of making sarcastic responses, raising my voice, and just showing the emotion I'm feeling. I have reflected on these actions of mine, and wonder how many times I made it more difficult for my daughter to improve herself when I've literally been acting out and reacting just as badly sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like my blogs are organized and laid out well, but I know this one is more of me just thinking outloud.
If you're reading this, and you have felt like a failure, then this is for you. Today is a new day. You don't have to continue in YOUR part of the cycle. It can start with you. Be the leader that you know you can be, and give your baby girl or baby boy, even if this child is a teenager, the chance that he or she needs today. Hug your child, even when it's hard. Ignore the past feelings and resist the urge to expect bad things today. And if your child acts out, try to respond lovingly. I know it's hard... but we can do this. There is hope for our children, and there is hope for us. <3
