Micah had his second open heart surgery

Well! It happened! My strong little man went through his second open heart surgery!

Not only was Micah's surgery successful, but he took it like a champ! We have been home now for two days and he is 10 days post op! Baby boy is also six months old today (started writing this late on Sat) and he has two major heart operations under his belt.... Diaper.

To say that I am proud of my boy is a strong understatement. This child has taught me more about myself than I would have ever expected.

To those of you who don't know, my son was born with a rare heart defect combo called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia. His congenital heart disease was unknown until a few hours after his birth. It has been quite the journey over the past six months, let me tell you! Having four other children and then adding this into the mix has definitely been a test of character, to say the least... I have found myself at dark moments many times and have had to reach deep inside myself to snap out of how I was feeling and focus on my children, first, instead.

But enough about me.


Here's a quick recap: Micah had his first open heart when he was 11 days old. They put a shunt in his heart to hold a passageway open for blood to circulate to his lungs (the ventricle that carries blood to his lungs never developed, and his tricuspid valve is nonexistent), they also created another passageway by removing some tissue (to ensure that his lungs would get blood), and they put a band around his pulmonary artery to control how much oxygen would be able to come into his body and, therefore, not overwork his only working ventricle that is operating his entire body. Micah's body is only capable, at this time, to reach between 75-85% oxygen (as opposed to 100% as you and I can achieve).

So that's what happened when he was a week and a half old.

This time around, my little warrior had the shunt removed, had the pulmonary artery tied off (I believe - might need to edit this if I find out differently), and he had a Glenn operation where they basically rerouted some of his anatomy. They connected the flow of oxygen to  his brain and upper body so that he had more oxygen available. His third procedure, when he's 3 years or about 30 pounds, will be the Fontan operation where the connect the rest of his body (his lower body) to a better oxygen flow.

before surgery

My son went into surgery at 7am and came out about 4 hours later. They were able to get him off the ventilator before leaving the operating room (last time they waited till he was a day post op). He was very groggy for the next day.

What we weren't aware of till the day before his operation was the fact that Micah would have a massive headache for the first day or two from the change in oxygen in his brain. His head kinda looked inflated (with the new O2 mixed with the swelling that surgery causes).

Now, Micah had said "momma" twice before, a week or two prior to surgery... but the night of his operation he learned how to cry for me... "momma, momma momma" oooooover and over and over! It was so terrible! I cannot even explain it! Why, baby, why did you learn how to cry for me at this time? I felt so helpless because I couldn't pick him up yet :( It was awful, simply AWFUL!

Shortly after surgery

I'm getting ahead of myself... When he came out he had three chest tubes draining blood from his body (this is typical of a lot of surgeries), oxygen for assistance in breathing, a line going directly in the artery in his neck in case he needed more blood (and he did end up having blood transfusions during surgery - thank you to my husband and my friend, Monique, from church, for donating!) which he did one day post op (thank you to the anonymous donor for that), as well as lines that went directly to his heart in case they needed to send a pulse due to rhythm problems (those weren't used)... he was full of IVs and wires everywhere. I was prepared for that, and didn't panic. It was still hard to see, don't get me wrong, but I knew it had to happen.

Seeing him thrash around in pain, moaning for his momma, however, I was not prepared for.

They had to keep upping his morphine and other pain killers almost constantly, it seemed... By the time morning rolled around, he was literally sedated from the amount of medication that they pumped into him. I was happy to see him sleeping. My husband and I slept at the Ronald McDonald House the night of his surgery.. I felt so selfish.. but I could not bear to see him in so much pain. I wouldn't have slept at all if I was in his room with him. I am SO glad that is over...

Finding comfort in momoma

finally able to hold him

Anyway, after that horrible, first night, time moved along at a good pace. He got transferred out of the ICU into acute care pretty quickly, and we went home when he was 8 days post op. We would have gone home at 4 days if the nurses had realized that this little booger is a crazy wiggly thing and he kept setting off his monitors as false alarms. He kept reading at low 60s for his oxygen but his color was great and there was no way that he was that low. Oh well! Daddy and I stayed in his room the remainder of the time. 

The discoloration is from his sensitivity
to tape. His incision looks great.

Children's Hospital is AMAZING! We are so grateful for them! Their entire staff is wonderful, kind, and all made personal connections with us. That is the kind of stuff that us parents need when our children are in such terrible situations. A friendly "hi" from the custodians really made a difference. Their nurses are SUPERB, as well. If any of you find yourselves in a predicament that requires you to take your children to the ER, see if you can get to the nearest Children's Hospital - it will be one of the best decisions you make!

So, here we are, 10 days post op, and this little man is acting like nothing happened! We are back to scooping him up under the head and butt (we cannot pick him up under the arms for the next two months to avoid cracking his chest back open) and he is on three medications (one to help the functioning of his heart, one to get the extra fluids off his body, and one to help his lungs gain access to the oxygen that is available in his body)... but beside the new battle wound on his chest and three new incisions from the chest tubes.. you would have NO idea that this kid has had anything but a perfect life!

Micah, you are my hero. I will stand by you through all your trials and any hard times you may face in the future. But know that my life would not be as great as it is without you. I am a better person. I love you.

On My Momma's Chest - Love, Micah

Hi mommy!
Now, you pay attention here...
Look deep into my eyes
And open up your ears.

Here goes another battle.
It is upon us.
Don't you forget who's in charge, though!
Remember Jesus?

Don't make me grab your hair,
You look back at me!
Momma, don't look sad.
I'm sitting here, smiling!

We don't know what the future holds,
And yes I know, it's scary.
But remember who made my heart.
And remember that His does not grow weary.

Look at this grin across my face,
And see the cute strands of drool slide down.
I promise I will give you no reason
To cry or frown.

I met Jesus in the operating room
Just a few months ago.
He held the surgeon's hands
And kept my heart beating to and fro.

He let me know that He loves you,
Too, Momma. He really does!
He also said he's the same today,
Just like yesterday, he was.

He promised me that
I can trust him and that you need to let go.
Momma... I love you!!
Look down into my face and know!

I love reaching up and grabbing your cheek.
You always tickle me and I love to squeal!
Momma, you always hug me just the right way
And you have helped my heart become strong enough to heal.

One week to go till I get to
Feel Jesus' touch again!
I really loved His gentle hands
And could hear every echoing "amen."

When I grow up I am going to
Make you so proud, mommy.
So stop your tears
And have some faith in me.

Let me hold your face in my gooey hands,
And hold on to me like you always do.
Stay in constant prayer and please,
Don't forget to thank "you know who."

Sometimes God allows us to go through things
To learn how to really trust Him.
I've learned this in my many years... Um..
Months... of wisdom.

So smile right now, momma!!!
Let's laugh together and play till we need rest!
Let my heart beat as I listen to yours while I fall asleep
In the safest place in this world... On my momma's chest.

Love Micah - 5 1/2 months old and wise beyond his... "years" :)

Blessed Beyond Belief

Feeling in the spirit and inspired by this time of year... Been thinking a lot about what I have in my life to be grateful for, and checking myself to make sure that I am not taking things for granted...

I feel so overly blessed in this life! I have five  children... wow! So many women can't conceive.. I am truly fortunate to be able to carry all these babies and experience raising them.

The older four with my dad at the library :)

Jacob, my 6 year old, is so smart and such a hard worker. He is in 1st grade, and pushes himself in school and genuinely cares about succeeding. My husband and I are SO proud of him. He's a great brother to his siblings and loves them and protects them. He is a great example for the younger babes to look up to. I love his tender heart. Thinking back to one day of my pregnancy, my husband and I were daydreaming about what Jake would be like... we listed that he would be smart, funny, handsome, have a great personality, and he is everything we imagined.

Leah, one of my 4 year old twins, is so beautiful, sweet, and full of love and life. As I watch her grow, I see so much of my personality in her with the way she thinks, approaches things, and hopes for people's approval. I see the way her mind works.. and I understand her. Sometimes that worries me because I let a bunch of my insecurities drive my life as a child and young adult... but at least I know how to help her and reassure her that she is perfect the way she is. Her soul is beautiful. I love my little animated baby.

Lily, my other 4 year old twin, is gentle, yet completely rambunctious and wild! She is sweet, beautiful, and makes me proud. I could leave her on the bed holding Micah all day, and she would stay put without moving. She is such a little mommy. I can see the love and tenderness in her eyes. She, in many MANY way, is a clone of my sister and best friend, Rachael. She is accident prone and trips over air... but is the most giving child. She likes her independence, but can be a leader whenever she chooses. I felt a deep connection to her the day after she was born and she was having trouble eating and gaining weight... when they threatened to take her to the NICU to oversee her eating, something inside of me pushed an aggressive momma bear out and I refused to let her go there without me trying everything I could to keep her -- she ended up never having to leave me :)

My three beauties in their ballet class

Hannah, my 2 year old, is the little performer of the bunch. She can captivate a room and audience of any age. Her beauty and innocence is amazing and lovely. She is hilarious and extremely intelligent. Her strong will and determination lets me know that I won't have to worry about her when she grows up, which is something my dad always said about me. I know she will be wise and in control. She is such a special little girl.

the three girls kissing Micah before bed

Micah, my 5 month old, blows me away every day. He has completely changed my life. The fact that he has hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia (his congenital heart disease/defects) is almost portrayed in his life like it doesn't exist. His strength has stirred a new perspective of my own in this world. Micah is beautiful, happy, joyful, content, hilarious, and the most remarkable human being I know. He may not understand anything about his own condition... but I do.. and as I see his face fill with laughter and light up with smiles, the tears fill my eyes because I know how much he has gone through and will continue to face... and I know he will be an optimistic and Godly man.

The five paragraphs above about my children lay out the smallest amount of what I am grateful for in this life. It is simply just too much to list. I could go on and on about how lucky I am... but I'm afraid I would keep you here far longer than you would want.

At Micah's dedication to God Sept 2012 :)

Everything else in my life has also been abundantly blessed. I have a man who has been committed to me for nearly 8 years... and WOW did he have to go through some things with me in order to reap the mature and stable me now haha. He had to watch me grow from an 18 year old teenager to the 26 year old woman I am now, today. I thank you for that, honey.

Our baby boy has his second open heart surgery in only two more weeks... but we are ready. We are prepared for whatever God has laid out for us.

HE is the biggest blessing of all - my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ... I can do ALL things in Christ, who strengthens me... I will not be alone, for He has stayed with me through everything in my life.

Sometimes we face tragedies and hardships, but I firmly believe that anything that we experience in our life can be dealt with and that it doesn't have to defeat us. Finding out my baby almost died and would face three open heart surgeries by the time he was three years old was the biggest shock of my life - but nothing in this world is too big for our God to handle. The peace that we came to about accepting God's control has taken us through the valleys and the peaks. Understanding that we are never alone speaks volumes to me...

As I was breaking down and uncontrollably sobbing in the wake of the news about my baby boy... I had a moment and realization that this "faith" we all talk about as Christians was about to come into play in my life. When you are left with faith as your only avenue in your life, you truly learn what it means. Faith was all I had. And I thank Jesus for saving my soul... and for saving my son's life.

I know this was long... and perhaps most people didn't make it down to the bottom of the page... but this life is such a blessing. I am blessed beyond belief... And no matter what may happen in the future - whether my baby boy is among the 78% of children who make it past age 5 with hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia... or if he falls among the 22%.... I will trust God and thank Him for the time I was blessed with :)

What are you thankful for, today?

21 days till Micah's next open heart!

The day is coming quickly for my chunky little boy to have his next open heart surgery!

To give a quick review of my baby boy (or new info to those of you who might be reading up on baby boy for the first time - the pic is showing one of his defects. The other is so rare I couldn't find a diagram of it):

~~~Micah was born in June of this year with a major heart defect combo called Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia (his birth story is in a previous blog and soon I will be writing a more detailed blog on what exactly his congenital heart disease is). He had his first open heart surgery when he was 11 days old. Not only was it successful, but Micah is one of the best cases they've seen. He has been blessed to be the best case scenario every step of the way. THANK YOU, JESUS!!

As of tomorrow, Micah will be 5 months old! Can't believe how quickly this has gone by... We have savored EVERY moment. Having this child has changed my LIFE. When he has kept me up at night and has been super cranky, I literally say aloud, "you are worth it, baby! I am so happy you are here crying and keeping me up instead of keeping myself up with tears, mourning the loss you."

This is one thing I want to thank God for. If it wasn't for Micah, I might not be as grateful for the things that I have in my life. There is ALWAYS something positive to look at in every situation I face. My family has recently gone through a terrible sickness - at least we weren't victims of the hurricane on the east coast (and prayers have been sent out to those suffering and families who have lost members :-/ May God touch them!). There is ALWAYS something positive that can come out of negative. God uses our situations for His good always.

So - three weeks to go...

Micah will be going in on Nov 28 - the wed after Thanksgiving. We don't have a time yet, but it will most likely be early morning. The day before we will be bringing him in for blood work (they need to match his blood to donors - my husband and his sister are donating, as well as a close friend of mine :) THANK YOU!).

During this operation, Micah will be put on the heart bypass machine (which is why they'll need the blood). The surgery will last 2-3 hours, and they should have him off the ventilator before he's rolled out to us (last time they took about a day to wean him off of it - lots of cases take DAYS so our baby boy is very strong).

The first operation had an 85 to 90% chance of survival - this one has a 98%!!! Praise Jesus!

It will make more sense when I describe exactly what is wrong with his heart, but this surgery they will be removing a shunt and connecting blood flow to his lungs from the upper half of his body. The third (and final) operation (when he's 3 years) will connect the lower half of his body to his lungs and then they will bypass his heart and create a passageway to his lungs that will passively allow blood to flow in there (the pump that makes blood go to his lungs didn't develop).

He is expected to be released from the hospital 2-4 days after surgery (a heck of a lot faster than the projected 2-3 weeks from last time - he came home after only 6 days though :)!!!).

Our boy is strong and pushes us to be stronger, as well. Your prayers and support are welcome and appreciated. Thank you so much to everyone who has already given us the backing we've needed!

We are ready for this, God! Hanging onto You tight!

I found the secret to losing weight!!!!

Ok... are you ready for this? The true secret to losing weight is....

YOUR DECISION to do so!

You think all those other scams out there are the real deal? Perhaps they have cool tips and ways to lose weight.. but the truth is that the ONLY WAY you will lose weight is if you have 100% decided to do it.

That means NO more excuses, that means NO more delays, that means NO more saying NO!

I have been a mother for 6 1/2 years and, therefore, got pregnant over 7 years ago. I used to be thin, young and pretty (lol).

Just before I turned 18 and a year before I
got pregnant with my first

 

 

 

Now, 7+ years and 5 kids later (kinda freaks me out every time I state how many children I've had in such a short time haha what the heck is THIS chick thinking having so many kids, so young, so quickly?! Oh crap! It's me!!!!), my body is unrecognizable.

My husband used to serve in the military, so he is no foreigner to the gym and being in shape. Let me tell you - going from that ^^^^ up there to the blob I turned into damaged me in more ways that I had imagined possible.

"I'm strong willed and strong minded, nothing will take me down. I'm overweight? Eh.. I'm alright. I still feel confident in myself." --- yes... not so true after years of feeling trapped in the body that I wish was a fat suit I could strip off.

My fifth babe is four months old now, and as SOON as I got the clear to workout (two months after he was born and, therefore, two months after my c-section) I decided to start working my way toward the old-young me - ha!

At first I would workout a few days a week and I started eating really well - cutting down my calories to 1500-1700/day. I also started using this amazing app called Lose It! through my phone - which is free. I used it before I got pregnant with Micah and lost 9 pounds in three weeks. At the third week mark I got pregnant lol

Anyway - life started getting in the way (I do have five kids, after all, including an infant with a major heart defect). After my oldest went back to school and I was going from doctor appt to doctor appt for my baby, to eye doc appt for one of my twins, to getting my son's schooling on track and in control, to just being a MOM and housewife, in general - let's just say that life got busy! I went for a week without working out, then almost two, then another week! I had only worked out like three or four times in one month... And I was staying the same weight :(

That is when I discovered this miraculous secret. The answer to all!

I was going to get in shape no matter how tired I was, not matter how long my day was, no matter HOW LATE it was - I WAS GOING TO WORKOUT AND DO IT - coupled with eating better meals and limiting my caloric intake (since this is getting long, I'll make another blog soon about what foods you should eat, how to gauge what you're eating, and other tips to realistically CHANGE your eating habits).

I made the decision on Sept 23 that I was going to workout every day for 30 days. Even though I knew that it would be almost impossible to do it EVERY single day... I still wanted to make it a goal. I have worked out 18 times out of the past 26 days. Yes, I've missed 8 workouts. Some have been due to injuries (lol I got shin splints woot woot - finally feeling better today), others have been due to sheer exhaustion (I am also nursing a baby, exclusively, and have my five kiddos to take care of, and there have been a few nights where it hits 11 and I have JUST gotten the baby down and am just simply too exhausted to workout), but I will tell you that this whole mindset and determination has changed me.

Tomorrow I WILL workout. I will make it happen! I have taken 3 days off in a row, and refuse to take another.

Like I keep saying - the TRUTH is, the secret to losing weight is YOUR decision. Are you fed up with being.. well, I'll say it - fat? Are you sick of sitting up and feeling uncomfortable in your own skin because of the stomach SITTING in your lap? Yep- I've cried maaany times about that :-/

Are you sick of seeing pictures of yourself and wanting to rip them to shreds or delete them when you see yourself? I've gotten rid of so many pics, even if they had images of my children in them, cuz I couldn't stomach looking at myself anymore.

For the first time in a couple YEARS I fit my old pants! My other clothes are starting to slide off me... and I haven't felt this good in..... forever!

It's made me apologize to my husband for looking the way I did because HE had to stay loyal and faithful to me - his giant wife. Thank you, honey, by the way... thank you for really, truly loving ME. Cuz I have still been here, inside this suit, the whole time.

I'm down 15-16 pounds so far (in the pic below), and am going to keep pushing! I have at LEAST 40 pounds to go.. But it is going to be so worth it!

NO MORE EXCUSES!!!! NO MORE! I am not going to be a victim anymore!!!!

So! Come and join me - make the decision to change YOUR life, your body, your world
- today :)

Be who you are... unless I don't like it!!!!

That's right!!! Embrace yourself!!!

Exceeeeeept... you are probably a terrible and judgmental person if you are not like me!

Right?

This is how I feel about the pressures of our media and the rhythm that this country is beating its chest to.

It is almost like we are told to express ourselves.. but don't really! We still need to fit into whatever box we are told to squeeze into.

I feel like things are more conflicting than ever.

Who are we trying to please here? Before we know it, the only people who will be accepted are those who fit into the taboo fields and are desiring acceptance... and then "normal" society will then become the odd people, trying to fit in.

How many more of these "I love people with tattoos" groups am I going to have to keep seeing. It's weird, it's like a movement or something. I personally don't like tattoos and will not get one for myself BUT most of my friends have at least one. They have them, I don't. There is not discussion about it negatively, and when they get one I tell them I think it's pretty or cool.

But a movement - really?

I feel like people are going out of their way to go OUTSIDE the box and then stand on a soap box SCREAMING for me to conform to them orrrrrrrrr judging me for not being like them. Or even WORSE - accusing me of judging THEM!

I have my opinions about tattoos for myself, personally, or about getting a billion piercings and altering my skin, or maybe even about what food I eat (yes, I know... I can't believe it... I.. EAT....... MEAT!!!!!!!), but I am not passing judgement or disrespect on people who are different than me.

I appreciate you for who you are. BE who you are. Stop doing things to get attention. Stop being different JUST to be different. If you like tattoos, go get them. If you like meat, eat it. If you prefer veganism, refrain from meat and animal products.

Give me your opinion. Tell me what you believe. I love hearing what people have to say and what they think and I find interest in hearing when people have thoughts that are the complete opposite of me... but let's be peaceful :)

What would this world be without diversity, after all?

Please, baby, let me hear you breathe

You know when your baby was first born and you checked on him every five seconds to make sure that he was breathing when it was night time? Some nights I have moments of worry about my baby boy (the one who has a heart defect). I will lie there (completely exhausted) and the thought will pop into my head...

What if he isn't breathing? What if he just had cardiac arrest and isn't... alive... anymore? I know, it's terrible to think that way... That's when I sit still and start praying, "please God, let me hear him breathe or move... Come on baby boy - let me hear you breathe!" Most of the time that I pray that, I hear my baby (and my other kids, when they were little) suddenly move or rustle around a little.

I still check on each of my kids, every night, before I head off to sleep. Every night I make sure they're covered and sleeping comfortably, and then head to bed.

Wouldn't it be funny if OUR parents still checked if we were breathing? lol I can just imagine our parents having spy cameras set up or secret heart monitors in our beds to make sure we're still breathing in the middle of the night lol I know I'M gonna do that to MY kids when they move out >: ) mwa ha ha ha

It's such a random thought... but I thought.. ahem.. (woot repetitive!!!) that it would be aiiiight to write about. Wow I'm a poet and I didn't even... realize it (thank you, Joel McHale).

Creativity peaks when it's time to sleep

I, for one, am not a very creative person. I am not one of those awesome mommies who can come up with genius arts and crafts and make magic out of nothing. I can think of a few who I really admire (Michelle C. is one). It's like everything she touches turns to gold!

Me?

Um... here kids - a piece of PAPER that you can draw CIRCLES on and I will totally write your name so you can outline it! WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!

When it comes to personal things like writing or painting, I'm not very creative either. I am seriously so impressed by people who can come up with crazy story lines or beautiful artistic masterpieces filled with colors and designs.

But there is this one time of the day when my creative juices start flowing... and that's at night! Yes - I can probably come up with solutions to end the problems of the world, AND design you your dream home while writing a Best Selling Novel ALLLL at the same time! ALL at night - when I can't actually do anything!

It's like my body is saying.... ok now that it's time to rest, let's turn on our brain and figure some stuff out! Let's make things work, fix problems, branch out and create create create!!!

Anyone else have this happen to them? lol

I'm pretty sure it's common for us to go through the events of the days while we're lying there, trying to go to bed. I bet that when our minds are occupied with the desperation of simply surviving the day, I guess there isn't much room to come up with a plan to fight world hunger or create a solution to NEVER LOSING ANOTHER SOCK AGAIN AND ALWAYS KEEPING SOCKS MATCHED (sorry - I have issues with socks... lol).

But to my friends who are so resourceful and creative during LIVING hours - I applaud you! This mommy has mommy brain allllllllllllllll the day long until it's just too late to do anything useful!

Tear me in half, please!!!!!

Well here it is - my kids are all sick... AGAIN! The other night I took my second youngest (2) upstairs with me because she was just starting the feel under the weather (and everyone else was still healthy at this point). I have had the policy that whoever is sick can sleep in bed with me so I can take care of them.

Well... by the time it was a few hours into her lying next to me, I noticed that she was sounding really bad. Almost sounded like croup for a moment there (don't think it is, though, cuz she no longer sounded like a seal barking, past that night) and I started worrying...

I CANNOT allow my baby (almost 4 months) to get sick. He's the one with the heart problem, and if he gets sick - ESPECIALLY with something respiratory related - he could come down with pneumonia which is very life-threatening to him.

I started crying as I realized that I was going to have to take Hannah, my sweet, sick little baby, downstairs and out of the same room as my infant :( All I wanted to do was hug and cuddle her, give her comfort, and make her feel better. I'm mommy - that's my job! But I couldn't... I had to make the decision that it was more critical for me to protect my baby boy from being exposed to the illness.

"TEAR ME IN HALF, PLEASE!!!!" I was crying to my husband on the phone (he's a night worker)... I wanted to keep my son safe but also be able to take care of my little sickling...

Do you ever feel like this?

Mommies seem to be called to multiple places and to do many things at once... and we are DARN good at it. But it breaks our hearts when we simply cannot do everything at the same time.

I came to peace with my decision and fell asleep praying for protection over Micah and to make Hannah feel better. I prayed that this bug would pass quickly...

My other three (Jacob 6, Leah and Lily 4) all have it now, but so far little boy seems alright. A little sniffly here and there... but his lungs sound clear so far.

Oh the balancing acts that us mothers of multiple children must perform!

And as I look for comfort, I remember that "this, too, shall pass!"

Hannah and Micah last week :)

Cook, feed, clean, dishes, bills... me.. ?!

How ironic is this? I created the idea for this post on Aug 27 and didn't have enough time to actually write it till now - almost a month later haha

As a mother, I feel so stretched thin sometimes. My day is never just a "nothing" day or relaxing all the way through. My laziest of days still require me to feed three meals to my older four, tidy up enough to make it liveable (lol), help with a toddler with potty training (and in a lot of cases, changing or cleaning her messes), nursing a baby 7 times and changing him just as many, entertaining the kids for about 12 hours, and being the referee all day. That is my LAZIEST day.

A pic from one of the first days that Jake had back to school

A normal day? Everything listed above plus doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning up messes throughout the day, and being more active with the kids (i.e. taking them on walks when it isn't too hot). Bills and financial issues are also dealt with, including budgeting for grocery shopping and actually going out and doing it (today, for example, I took the older four with me to Ralph's - OH MY LANTA!!!!).

This is what happens when I get behind for a few days, literally

Today was really busy... Jake (6) didn't have school but I did have his parent teacher conference in the afternoon.
****really proud of him by the way - he is doing very well and she has no concerns. She says he is a very hard worker and doesn't stop working until he's finished. Sometimes the other kids will stop when others do but not Jake. He works works works. She also said he is the nicest and sweetest kid. I couldn't be more proud :)!!!!****
I went over to Walmart to return something and buy a new purse (10 bucks heck yes! I'm cheap haha), a beard trimmer for my husband, and a strapless bra. I drove over to the gas station to fill my husband's car up and was about to go shopping when I got a text that he was going nuts and needed me home NOW! The poor guy had just worked the night shift and was exhausted... So I rushed home, fed the baby, got the older kids ready, and then it was off BACK to Walmart cuz the bra didn't fit - yay!

A few fits and wandering children later, we were back in my burning hot car, driving to Ralph's. That shopping trip was not fun. Hannah (2) thought it was funny to keep running off so that Jake (6) would chase after her, screaming. Lily (4) kept going alllll over the place... but Leah (4) was really well behaved. THANK YOU! At least one listened yaaaay! I was so excited to get the H out of there man! When I got home I threw together dinner, nursed the baby, and then got the kids ready for bed.

lol a random night. The dark pink is Leah, the green
in the middle to the left is Hannah, and the light pink is Lily

It took a while for the kids to unwind and get to sleep... but once they were out, I had to get baby boy down for the night. He didn't feel like cooperating tonight lol Took an hour and a half. I was able to run out and grab some sushi for me and my husband, though, in between rocking Micah (3 1/2 months) and feeding him, and made ANOTHER trip to to the grocery store (this time Albertsons) while I was out.

Once I got baby boy to sleep, I was able to workout on the elliptical for a little over a half hour, and then shower. I came down and folded some laundry for 20 mins and now here I am! YAY!

32 down from Micah's pregnancy weight and bout
45 pounds to go till I'm at my goal weight!

I guess that my workout can be considered "me time" but man... what about relaxing?! What about sitting my butt down to listen to music or talk to some people? Throughout the day I go on Facebook on my phone and talk to people, but it is ALWAYS while I'm doing other things. It's not like I'm just sitting there, zoning out. I always have an ear out for any brawls my kids are having.

I feel like mothers tend to forget about themselves as individuals a lot of the time. It is so rush, rush, rush, that we are too exhausted to do anything just for us... I got caught up in that for a while and started freaking out. A lot of the time I lose sleep just for the sake of being awake - all by myself - and having a moment of clarity (for example, right now - it is 2:20am and tomorrow I'm going to be feeling this poor decision lol but at least I got to write!).

As hard as it is... we NEED to make sure we leave time for ourselves. We have to find sitters (or husbands ;) haha) to watch the kids so we can go out for a few hours and eat dinner with friends - or go to a comedy club! I was able to do that a few weeks ago with some friends and it was AMAZING! It was really weird being "Becca" instead of just mommy for a night. It's like I'm ALWAYS looking for someone to help or something to do because I'm always in that mode.

And lucky to the guys who work and come home and have two days off and vacation time and holidays. Mothers don't get that! We work HARDER on holidays with organizing everything and making memories for our families. And days off? Forget about it! Really! It will never happen lol

What will get us through this tough season of motherhood? 

• First of all... remember that our babies will grow up and be big and independent before we know it
• Second, when the time does come, we will have the rest of our lives to be "us" and find ourselves.
• One day at a time is a good mind-set.
• TAKE DAYS TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE A LADY and you existed before your children!

Being a mom is awesome - but don't go crazy! Keep yourself healthy physically (working out has done wonders for me with my motivation in other areas of my life) and mentally. And if you aren't feeling ok then go talk to someone! Heck - talk to me!

Side note - if anyone ever needs to vent then feel free to comment. I will write back and want to be "here" to people looking for help. I'm not psych major... but I am a mother major :) In fact, I should be getting my masters soon, right? 6 1/2 years in! lol :)

How do you spend your "you" time?

Micah had a procedure done Sept 18

On Tuesday, this week, Micah (now 15 weeks old) went in and had an angiogram. 

They inserted a catheter in the right side of his groin into a vein (instead of his main artery - and this is a good thing because it left less room for bleeding and complications) and got it up into his heart. The doctors said that they had no trouble getting it in there and that they were able to maneuver around his heart with ease :)

The purpose of this procedure was to get pictures inside his heart so that there are no surprises for his next surgery. They were able to see in there clearly and the shunt and pulmonary band (placed in there during his first open heart to facilitate blood flow from his heart to his lungs) are functioning perfectly and, therefore, there is no rush to do the second surgery next week or something.

My husband and I were able to go in the operating room with him, and hold his hand until he was put under with anesthesia through a mask. I was able to kiss him goodbye and then walked over to wait in his little recovery area. He was only out for about an hour and a half and was rolled over to us about 30 mins later. He was already waking up before he got over to us :)

Baby boy was pretty groggy from the anesthesia, but he did very well. I was able to pick him up soon after he was brought out, and I didn't put him down for five hours lol I held him, comforted him, (FINALLY) fed him (I didn't nurse him for 8 hours and was sooooo engorged. Sorry if it's TMI but I thought I was gonna explode!!!), slept with him on my chest for a while, and didn't put him down till it was time to change him :)

Micah's throat was pretty sore (and still is) from the ventilator, and he got kinda congested and still has some phlegm in his chest, but beside that he is doing very well! He has been pretty sleepy today, but he's been happy when he's been awake :)

On Friday the cardiologists and surgeon will be having a conference to determine when his surgery will be scheduled. It will most likely happen close to 6 months (which is the beginning of Dec) but could happen in Nov.

I am so proud of my baby. For a little 15 week old, he has amazing strength. He has been through things far beyond what I have and still smiles through it. The innocence of a child is such a blessing. So pure.

This was the night before his procedure.
Wanted to hug him tightly and enjoy some quiet time with him

Life - and even more so, God - is amazing.

Micah's birth - a heart-wrenching experience

Three months ago I gave birth to my fifth child. My entire pregnancy was considered to be normal and every ultrasound that they did came back with results that were "great" and the baby looked "perfect." I remember several times, specifically, that the nurse would say "his heart looks very strong."

Waiting to hear him

My world stopped the evening that he was born. He wasn't breathing the right way. I still cringe when I think about it... I can hear him struggling with each breath. I can still see the room if I close my eyes.

At first they thought that his only problem was some trapped fluid in his lungs that weren't pushed out at birth (since I had a c-sec instead of a natural birth).

Nope.

I didn't get to hold him... He was rushed out of the room when she couldn't get it to clear up. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a room, with no baby... My husband sends me this pic:

 

The first picture I got to see of my boy

We were told that there was a problem with his heart after they did an echo cardiogram. They transferred him to a hospital that could better handle his condition when he was 5 hours old... and as I was waiting in my room at the hospital, trying to get transferred myself, I got the call from the cardiologist that he was born with a major heart defect and that he would require THREE surgeries... THREE! :( He was born with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia (Hypoplastic right heart syndrome is a condition where the right atrium and right ventricle are underdeveloped. Tricuspid atresia is a type of heart disease that is present at birth [congenital heart disease], in which the tricuspid heart valve is missing or abnormally developed. The defect blocks blood flow from the right atrium to the right ventricle). The following is a picture of one of his defects... but HRHS is so rare that I couldn't find a diagram of it.

Basically... if they hadn't caught his defect, Micah would have died between 4 and 10 days old when the hole (that all babies are born with) would have naturally closed. He was put on a medicine immediately that kept the hole open.

He was kept in the NICU until he was 10 days old and was transferred the day before his first open heart surgery.

Forgive how terrible I look... but here I am holding him at 3 days

At 11 days, he was operated on. We had so much support and love and prayer that my husband and I slept peacefully the night before, woke up in great moods, and were at complete peace during his entire surgery. My husband and I made the decision that we were going to leave it in God's hands and trust him... and that we were going to accept whatever the outcome. God is good. I didn't start crying until the surgeon came out with a huge smile on his face and said that the surgery went perfectly and that he was doing very well. I let it all out at that point :)

4 days post-op

Most babies are in the hospital for 2-3 weeks to recover... but not our boy! He was recovering at such a quick pace that they had to slow him down! He was off the ventilator, oxygen, chest tube, and some blood pressure stabilizers within 32 hours. Some of them he was off within a day.

Two days after surgery, finally able to hold him

 Micah was out of the hospital in SIX days. Our son is so strong.

The day before we brought him home

Out of respect for my husband, I haven't posted any pictures of his face. He prefers that we keep our children's faces off the public internet. Let me tell you - I'm dying to show off my kids lol but I will respect your wishes, honey.

Anyway - My baby boy is almost 14 weeks post-op now and has been home for almost 13 weeks. We just took him to his monthly cardiologist appt and found out that his next surgery will be this year (instead of Jan like we were expecting). He is going into the hospital this coming Tuesday to get a catheter put in the main artery in his groin and it will go up to his heart so they can take pictures and make sure that they are fully prepared for his next surgery (no surprises). We are a bit nervous because it is a bigger deal than we anticipated - they will be putting him under anesthesia for two hours and then will require 4-5 hours of recovery.

I will give updates as they come. And to those who pray - I would really appreciate them.

Our son is strong. Beyond strong. And we thank God for that. His name means "who is like God" - and I have to agree - he is a blessing and gives us hope and strength. Thank you, Jesus, for this miracle baby.

How do you talk to your kids?

I haven't written in a week and a half because life has gotten incredibly busy and a lot of serious stuff has been going on with my son, Micah (the baby with the heart defect). The blog directly after this one gives a full description of his birth and first open heart surgery.

As I was putting the kids tonight, I was thinking about how we speak to our children and how that, alone, can form them and shape them to be as adults. It's true that the words that we say matter, but it also matters how we speak to them. Are you talking to your kids the "right" way?

Are we rushing through instruction?

Do we show care and attentiveness to what they have to say to us?

Do we use a negative tone of voice when we speak to them?

Are we, ourselves, being mature when we're responding to a negative situation? Are we being too emotional?

Are we loving, always?

The reason I'm posing the question is because, to be quite honest, I have been struggling with my parenting skills over the past week. I have had so much stress on me with my baby, Hannah's adventures of getting into everything, my son being back in school and adjusting to everything, terrible nap/bed times EVERY night, among everything else that comes with motherhood... that I have gotten stressed out, worn out, impatient, and angry. How ironic that the woman who is supposed to be here giving you advise now needs to counsel herself...

The questions I posed above are from my own conscience. I feel like crying right now. I have had a terrible week of being a good mother. I have struggled with my own conflicts and allowed my emotions to rule over me. We all go through phases as parents, just as our kids go through their own phases of amazing behavior and crazy, unbearable behavior. I had a talk with my husband last night about the fact that we need to put ourselves in check and parent the best we can regardless of how we personally feel at the time.

Put ourselves in our kids' shoes and think, "how would I have liked my mom or dad to treat me like this? Would you be ok? Would you be looking back on your childhood and felt favorable about your mom and dad? If not, FIX IT!"

So, again I ask, are you speaking to your kids the "right" way?

I suggest the following:

• When we are instructing our children to do something (how to brush their teeth correctly, subtract a math problem, treat their siblings with love and care - anything that we're teaching) be prepared for questions, frustration on their part, and interruptions. Be patient. Let them ask questions. Deal with their lack of patience and get them to focus.
• When your child is asking to show you something that matters to them (i.e. a picture, toy, or even how they can stand on one foot for 2 1/2 seconds lol), make sure you don't rush them. Don't make them feel like they're not worth 1 minute of your time. And be real - be genuinely happy and supportive of your child's interest.
• When they're being crazy all day long, it isn't on the top of our mind to be calm, cool, and collected. We are probably stressed out and getting annoyed, frustrated, and possibly angry. Don't be negative. Don't add to the problem. Negative tone = negative response or stress in return.
• Just as we shouldn't be negative in our tone of voice, we shouldn't be negative in our actions. Deal with your child in a healthy way regardless of how you feel. You wanna snap back at them? Fine - but you're going to make it worse. You might shape them long-term to be snappy and emotional when they deal with noncooperation and "life" when it isn't favorable.
• Remember who you are - you are MOMMY. You gave birth to these children (or painstakingly went through everything necessary to adopt). They mean everything to you. When you go to bed, are you going to regret or be proud of how you handled your children that day? 

As I mentioned earlier, I have been guilty of not being the "best" mom this past week. Time for me to go through my own suggestions and snap-to.

Another thing - know that we are all guilty of being human. I need to tell this to myself.... And instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to get myself together, get myself back in line, and love the heck out of my kids. I did go through 3 years of pregnancy and over 3 years of nursing these babies, after all, and I know I'd kick anyone's butt if anyone dared to treat them any way but good. Sorry if that was repetitive.. but you get the point ;)

Adjust them to their new sibling and yourself to more than one babe!

When it comes to having a second child, a lot of mothers are worried that their first born isn't going to adjust to his or her new sibling. Is the new baby going to cause jealousy? How do I split up myself into "enough" for both kids? What if my child doesn't like his (or her) new sibling?

When I was pregnant with my second (and third - turned out to be twins), I thought about all of this, too. I had so much love for my son and didn't know how I would possibly separate my love into three for the girls and my son. I didn't want him to feel left out. So I came up with a technique and it worked. It absolutely worked!

When I was pregnant with each additional pregnancy to Jacob, I always referred to the baby as "his" baby. I gave him ownership. Every time I would talk about the pregnancy I would say "oh! Your baby is going to be here, soon!" or "I cannot wait for you to meet him. He is going to need you!" I made it as positive as possible. Every time I had another baby, my kids were very excited.

Keep your child involved. Keep him looking forward to the baby. And when the baby does arrive... continue to "require" his help and give him a crucial position in the baby's life.

• Make it his job to get things like the diapers or wipes
• Have your child throw out the diaper (I literally say, "who wants to throw this out for me?" and the kids will run up and say "meeeee!")
• Tell your child how much your baby needs him
• Explain to your child how the baby will view him as her hero. I've explained it to my kids that each child next in line will look up to the older one and love and admire him and that they have a lot of responsibility. I did not make this a bad thing, though. Always ALWAYS be positive.

I've found that if a child feels necessary and important, and not like he's being pushed out for the new one, that things go smoothly. My son literally did not get jealous of the twins for the first time till they were 9 months, and that was only cuz he was starting a new phase for himself. Lovely loooovely three's... seriously - worse than the 2's.

Now for YOU!

How are you going to handle two as opposed to one? As for the "love" part of it all - love is infinite and will expand as your family does. If you think that you cannot possibly love anyone as much as your first, you will discover that it is simply not true with your second. The love that we experience for our children is mind-boggling (or mind-bottling as a character said in Blades of Glory lol). The love for a child is incomparable to any other love that we have.

Now, regarding how we split ourselves up between the two children... adjustment takes time and everyone's case is a little bit different. The similarity, however, that I can help you with, is this: Your attitude makes a difference. If you are calm and try thinking through things, it is going to help you far beyond being worried or panicking. It WILL be difficult at first. Entering into the life of a family of multiple children is going to be just as individual as each of your children will be...

You may end up with a very relaxed newborn and the adjustment will be easier. You can't really avoid being tired at first because all babies need to be fed around the clock, as you already know. But keep one thing in mind - do not forget your first born. Always welcome your child with enthusiasm and remember: KEEP YOUR FIRST BORN INVOLVED.

You will figure out how to schedule things and you will get into a rhythm. Like I said, though, your attitude will make a difference. Expect there to be the adjustment struggle. Expect for things to not go perfectly. If you can accept the fact that you are not going to be fully in control, you will have it easier with gaining control. You are mommy - you are the ruler of your babes. Don't let them control you. They need you to take control of them and give them direction.

When it comes to a new baby, there will be a lot of excitement, a bit of curiosity because of the unknown, and a lot to prepare for... but it is completely doable and doable in a good way.

If you have more specific questions, please comment them below. I can see if I can help.

Time is precious

Right now, it is 2:38am. I am cuddling my infant son, who is almost three months old. He was unexpectedly born with a major heart defect combo (hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia) and had open heart surgery when he was 11 days old. I plan on sharing our journey - so far - at a future date... but right now I want to encourage you to hold your babies tight. Life is precious.

I never expected that any of my children would have something that is this severe, wrong with them. It blows my mind how much my little 12 week old has been through. He is such a happy boy and he is very strong. He has two more open hearts to go (one around Christmas time and the other at about age 3).

We are taking it one day at a time, but let's face it - this is  scary stuff. I found myself not being able to sleep tonight because my mind was racing and wondering about the unknown. Is he going to survive  the next surgery? Will there be any complications? I talked to my husband and he reminded me that we need to trust God.

It is true.. we need to trust God...

As I cuddle my baby back to sleep I am cherishing the time that I can hold him and love him right now, and trust that God will allow whatever to happen to be what is supposed to happen.

How do you do it with 5 kids?

I was asked this the other day by someone who currently has one child and wanted more in the future... "How do you do it with five kids?"

I remember back when I had Jake that it seemed like such a struggle, but I always knew I wanted a big family. I decided when I was in kindergarten that I was going to have four (and I did have four.. just added another to it for good measure ;) haha). But when Jake was here... I was like, "Woah! How in the world am I going to have three more kids?! This is tough!"

Truth is, I believe that the difficulty fluctuates with five kids but, in the end, it's actually easier to have multiple children versus just one. With Jake it was just me and him, all the time... ALL. THE. TIME. I was his one - and only - playmate. Don't get me wrong, he was my little buddy and I loved being with him, but I felt like he needed someone to grow up with. I could never imagine my life without my three siblings. My brothers and sister are some of the most important and amazing people in my life. I am so grateful for them and that my parents decided to have the four of us :)

Anyway, when it comes to the dynamic of a bunch of children, I look at it as a group that can learn to function with each other. I treat them and love them both as individuals and as a whole. The biggest saving grace for me is the schedule and routine. Now, things do not need to be military-standard and strict, but if there is a good foundation for your daily schedule then things will fall into place naturally.

With kids, it is not wise to see where the wind takes you on a daily basis. It's ok to have those days when things get out of sequence or skipped, but in general, it's good to have a few things done every day in a certain order.

Here is what my day typically looks like:

1. Kids wake up
2. Have them use the bathroom/change any diapers
3. Feed them breakfast
4. Play time
5. Snack time
6. Play more
7. Lunch
8. Nap
9. Play
10. Dinner
11. Bath/brush teeth get ready for bed
12. Bed

Times may vary and so will events (i.e. my son goes to school during the week so I would take him to school after #3). Also, during "play time" various things can be done such as:

• story time
• coloring inside with crayons/markers
• color outside with paint or chalk
• go to the park
• take walks
• let them go have free time to play with their bazillion toys
• encourage dress-up or play time with the little kitchen
• turn on music and let them dance
• invite friends over to have play time

I'm more relaxed and can spend all day in home for days at a time. Other moms need to get out and there are always ways to search for things to do through your city's website. I looked up my city's site online and it had activities listed in general and then in categories and one of those categories was specifically geared toward children.

As we have heard these wise words before, take life one step and one day at a time. The same goes with kids: Take it one child as a time. With every child, adjustment will be natural and the fear that you have will go away. I will write a blog on the adjustment to a new baby and a new sibling in a future blog... I have successfully used some techniques that worked with avoiding jealousy.

In addition to keeping a normal schedule, to "do it" successfully with five (or more than one) children, multitasking is necessary. You need to have the capacity to think about more than one thing at the same time and follow up on several things happening all at once. While I am making dinner I am also, often, rocking my infant in his bouncer with my foot. On top of that I am managing the kids and their behavior. Thank goodness children learn their boundaries better as they get older... but currently I have to keep an ear out for my 2 year old who is ABSOLUTELY DRIVING ME CRAZY! She got into the freezer last night when she was supposed to be in bed and I caught her putting her hand in the toilet this afternoon after church. Anyway.... The point is, yes..  there is a certain level of multitasking required.

A lot of the time I find myself being able to do whatever I want (right now I'm writing this while the kids have been playing and are now getting ready for their naps), although mommy-mode never shuts off ;) One time, in the middle of writing this, I had to grab Lily (one of the 4 year olds) because she dropped something heavy on her foot. I iced her up and put her next to me. There is also a level of refereeing that I am required to do, lol, because these kids are either best friends or the biggest enemies - but that's completely normal.

In the end, I personally would prefer to deal with the hard time of multitasking and dealing with mini-battles in my home for the sake of my children being able to grow up with siblings and have best friends for the rest of their lives. I understand that a lot of people cannot have more than one - so there is no judgement to those who cannot... But since I had the ability to do so, I would do it all over an infinite amount of times.

Sometimes you will have days that seem endless... but when they do end.. you sit back with a smile on your face and say, "Wow.. I love my life and I love my kids!"

Toilet.. Toothpaste... TADA TERRIBLE TWO'S!

Oh. My. Goodness... !!!!!!!!!!!

Just the other day I was grazing over and painting you a broad picture of what a two year does and let me tell you... my sweetie pie, Hanny, decided to do the "terrible two's" justice and give me a TON of material today! Seriously, Hannah, I have three children older than you - I do not need anymore examples! Lol this little girl is.. WOW.. just wwwoooowwww!!!

First of all, Hannah is a very sweet girl. Super smart, very loving, funny, well-rounded... and typically she doesn't get into as much mischief as she has over the past couple weeks. Today, however, topped everything she's ever done. lol Here it goes...

We are potty-training her and she wanted to go to the bathroom (around 11:30a) so I sent her in there to go poop so she could earn some chocolate lol before, she would get some chocolate for peeing but, now that she has that down pat, she has to work a little harder for it. Anyway - she went into the bathroom and, since I was preoccupied with Micah (12 week old), I asked Leah (4 year old) to go check on her and see if she needed help...

Leah walks back out after checking and calmly says, "She's dunking her underwear in the toilet."

=-0 whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!?!?!

I had to put the baby boy down, get one of the girls to watch him, and ran over to see what she did.

At this point my darling little girl was swinging the dreeenched underwear around in circles like a lasso. TOILET WATER = EVERYWHERE!

I was sooooooo angry, man! I yelled out in shock, "HANNAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!" I actually woke up my husband who is a night-worker. Whoops :-/ I was soooo mad though!

I quickly put her in the shower (water wasn't turned on yet) and left her in there for like 10 mins before I washed her so I could clean up the bathroom. Toilet water was alllll over the toilet, her potty-seat cover (which was taken apart), the floor, both the stools, and, of course, all over the rugs that my mother-in-law sweetly washed for me YESTERDAY.
 ----I have this theory that every time I wash the bathroom rugs that they will get peed on or somehow dirtied within a day or two. Never faaaailllssss lol

After getting a load of laundry washed, cleaning the bathroom, and scrubbing her down, I calmly told her why it was so naughty. I felt bad cuz she was crying from me yelling and telling her that what she did was bad. "I'm sorrrrrry momma :(" I made sure to hug her and give her love after the situation.

For the next 8 hours she was very well behaved and sweet. Ahem, there were a few more good hours that she planned to use for her tempted two-year old self, though!

We had some friends and their daughters over today and literally 15 minutes after they left Hannah was up to something again! I had sent her into the bathroom to brush her teeth and sent Jake (6) after her to assist her since she's little and I know she might feel inclined to play with the toothpaste. Well... she felt inclined and she went with where her feelings told her to go! lol

She squeezed out a good amount onto the counters and floors... I made her and Jake clean it up (he shouldn't have been messing around, but he was! Lesson learned).

I got the kiddos to bed and, since they've been putting up an amazing fight over the past couple nights, I waited in their rooms till they seemed like they had given up. I went upstairs to nurse Micah and everything was silent for a while. Turns out that during this half-hour of silence, Hannah was having a blast in the kitchen!

My purse was on the ground, things were pulled out, her face was covered in 24 hour lipstick - yay!!! - and she got into the cabinets and started eating food lol my darling daughter.... I couldn't help but laugh.

This is exactly how I found the stuff laid out

Cabinets open, nice pile of goldfish that she kindly gave to herself

She ate 4 packets of fruit snacks and I think cookies, too

I am SO tired right now and didn't really wanna get out of bed to write this BUT I felt like I should share her adventures for the day haha

I hope Hanny got her craziness out of her system cuz I don't know if I can handle another day like this again for a while lol

Goodnight!