Cook, feed, clean, dishes, bills... me.. ?!

How ironic is this? I created the idea for this post on Aug 27 and didn't have enough time to actually write it till now - almost a month later haha

As a mother, I feel so stretched thin sometimes. My day is never just a "nothing" day or relaxing all the way through. My laziest of days still require me to feed three meals to my older four, tidy up enough to make it liveable (lol), help with a toddler with potty training (and in a lot of cases, changing or cleaning her messes), nursing a baby 7 times and changing him just as many, entertaining the kids for about 12 hours, and being the referee all day. That is my LAZIEST day.

A pic from one of the first days that Jake had back to school

A normal day? Everything listed above plus doing the dishes, laundry, cleaning up messes throughout the day, and being more active with the kids (i.e. taking them on walks when it isn't too hot). Bills and financial issues are also dealt with, including budgeting for grocery shopping and actually going out and doing it (today, for example, I took the older four with me to Ralph's - OH MY LANTA!!!!).

This is what happens when I get behind for a few days, literally

Today was really busy... Jake (6) didn't have school but I did have his parent teacher conference in the afternoon.
****really proud of him by the way - he is doing very well and she has no concerns. She says he is a very hard worker and doesn't stop working until he's finished. Sometimes the other kids will stop when others do but not Jake. He works works works. She also said he is the nicest and sweetest kid. I couldn't be more proud :)!!!!****
I went over to Walmart to return something and buy a new purse (10 bucks heck yes! I'm cheap haha), a beard trimmer for my husband, and a strapless bra. I drove over to the gas station to fill my husband's car up and was about to go shopping when I got a text that he was going nuts and needed me home NOW! The poor guy had just worked the night shift and was exhausted... So I rushed home, fed the baby, got the older kids ready, and then it was off BACK to Walmart cuz the bra didn't fit - yay!

A few fits and wandering children later, we were back in my burning hot car, driving to Ralph's. That shopping trip was not fun. Hannah (2) thought it was funny to keep running off so that Jake (6) would chase after her, screaming. Lily (4) kept going alllll over the place... but Leah (4) was really well behaved. THANK YOU! At least one listened yaaaay! I was so excited to get the H out of there man! When I got home I threw together dinner, nursed the baby, and then got the kids ready for bed.

lol a random night. The dark pink is Leah, the green
in the middle to the left is Hannah, and the light pink is Lily

It took a while for the kids to unwind and get to sleep... but once they were out, I had to get baby boy down for the night. He didn't feel like cooperating tonight lol Took an hour and a half. I was able to run out and grab some sushi for me and my husband, though, in between rocking Micah (3 1/2 months) and feeding him, and made ANOTHER trip to to the grocery store (this time Albertsons) while I was out.

Once I got baby boy to sleep, I was able to workout on the elliptical for a little over a half hour, and then shower. I came down and folded some laundry for 20 mins and now here I am! YAY!

32 down from Micah's pregnancy weight and bout
45 pounds to go till I'm at my goal weight!

I guess that my workout can be considered "me time" but man... what about relaxing?! What about sitting my butt down to listen to music or talk to some people? Throughout the day I go on Facebook on my phone and talk to people, but it is ALWAYS while I'm doing other things. It's not like I'm just sitting there, zoning out. I always have an ear out for any brawls my kids are having.

I feel like mothers tend to forget about themselves as individuals a lot of the time. It is so rush, rush, rush, that we are too exhausted to do anything just for us... I got caught up in that for a while and started freaking out. A lot of the time I lose sleep just for the sake of being awake - all by myself - and having a moment of clarity (for example, right now - it is 2:20am and tomorrow I'm going to be feeling this poor decision lol but at least I got to write!).

As hard as it is... we NEED to make sure we leave time for ourselves. We have to find sitters (or husbands ;) haha) to watch the kids so we can go out for a few hours and eat dinner with friends - or go to a comedy club! I was able to do that a few weeks ago with some friends and it was AMAZING! It was really weird being "Becca" instead of just mommy for a night. It's like I'm ALWAYS looking for someone to help or something to do because I'm always in that mode.

And lucky to the guys who work and come home and have two days off and vacation time and holidays. Mothers don't get that! We work HARDER on holidays with organizing everything and making memories for our families. And days off? Forget about it! Really! It will never happen lol

What will get us through this tough season of motherhood? 

• First of all... remember that our babies will grow up and be big and independent before we know it
• Second, when the time does come, we will have the rest of our lives to be "us" and find ourselves.
• One day at a time is a good mind-set.
• TAKE DAYS TO REMEMBER THAT YOU ARE A LADY and you existed before your children!

Being a mom is awesome - but don't go crazy! Keep yourself healthy physically (working out has done wonders for me with my motivation in other areas of my life) and mentally. And if you aren't feeling ok then go talk to someone! Heck - talk to me!

Side note - if anyone ever needs to vent then feel free to comment. I will write back and want to be "here" to people looking for help. I'm not psych major... but I am a mother major :) In fact, I should be getting my masters soon, right? 6 1/2 years in! lol :)

How do you spend your "you" time?

Micah had a procedure done Sept 18

On Tuesday, this week, Micah (now 15 weeks old) went in and had an angiogram. 

They inserted a catheter in the right side of his groin into a vein (instead of his main artery - and this is a good thing because it left less room for bleeding and complications) and got it up into his heart. The doctors said that they had no trouble getting it in there and that they were able to maneuver around his heart with ease :)

The purpose of this procedure was to get pictures inside his heart so that there are no surprises for his next surgery. They were able to see in there clearly and the shunt and pulmonary band (placed in there during his first open heart to facilitate blood flow from his heart to his lungs) are functioning perfectly and, therefore, there is no rush to do the second surgery next week or something.

My husband and I were able to go in the operating room with him, and hold his hand until he was put under with anesthesia through a mask. I was able to kiss him goodbye and then walked over to wait in his little recovery area. He was only out for about an hour and a half and was rolled over to us about 30 mins later. He was already waking up before he got over to us :)

Baby boy was pretty groggy from the anesthesia, but he did very well. I was able to pick him up soon after he was brought out, and I didn't put him down for five hours lol I held him, comforted him, (FINALLY) fed him (I didn't nurse him for 8 hours and was sooooo engorged. Sorry if it's TMI but I thought I was gonna explode!!!), slept with him on my chest for a while, and didn't put him down till it was time to change him :)

Micah's throat was pretty sore (and still is) from the ventilator, and he got kinda congested and still has some phlegm in his chest, but beside that he is doing very well! He has been pretty sleepy today, but he's been happy when he's been awake :)

On Friday the cardiologists and surgeon will be having a conference to determine when his surgery will be scheduled. It will most likely happen close to 6 months (which is the beginning of Dec) but could happen in Nov.

I am so proud of my baby. For a little 15 week old, he has amazing strength. He has been through things far beyond what I have and still smiles through it. The innocence of a child is such a blessing. So pure.

This was the night before his procedure.
Wanted to hug him tightly and enjoy some quiet time with him

Life - and even more so, God - is amazing.

Micah's birth - a heart-wrenching experience

Three months ago I gave birth to my fifth child. My entire pregnancy was considered to be normal and every ultrasound that they did came back with results that were "great" and the baby looked "perfect." I remember several times, specifically, that the nurse would say "his heart looks very strong."

Waiting to hear him

My world stopped the evening that he was born. He wasn't breathing the right way. I still cringe when I think about it... I can hear him struggling with each breath. I can still see the room if I close my eyes.

At first they thought that his only problem was some trapped fluid in his lungs that weren't pushed out at birth (since I had a c-sec instead of a natural birth).

Nope.

I didn't get to hold him... He was rushed out of the room when she couldn't get it to clear up. Next thing I know, I'm sitting in a room, with no baby... My husband sends me this pic:

 

The first picture I got to see of my boy

We were told that there was a problem with his heart after they did an echo cardiogram. They transferred him to a hospital that could better handle his condition when he was 5 hours old... and as I was waiting in my room at the hospital, trying to get transferred myself, I got the call from the cardiologist that he was born with a major heart defect and that he would require THREE surgeries... THREE! :( He was born with Hypoplastic Right Heart Syndrome and Tricuspid Atresia (Hypoplastic right heart syndrome is a condition where the right atrium and right ventricle are underdeveloped. Tricuspid atresia is a type of heart disease that is present at birth [congenital heart disease], in which the tricuspid heart valve is missing or abnormally developed. The defect blocks blood flow from the right atrium to the right ventricle). The following is a picture of one of his defects... but HRHS is so rare that I couldn't find a diagram of it.

Basically... if they hadn't caught his defect, Micah would have died between 4 and 10 days old when the hole (that all babies are born with) would have naturally closed. He was put on a medicine immediately that kept the hole open.

He was kept in the NICU until he was 10 days old and was transferred the day before his first open heart surgery.

Forgive how terrible I look... but here I am holding him at 3 days

At 11 days, he was operated on. We had so much support and love and prayer that my husband and I slept peacefully the night before, woke up in great moods, and were at complete peace during his entire surgery. My husband and I made the decision that we were going to leave it in God's hands and trust him... and that we were going to accept whatever the outcome. God is good. I didn't start crying until the surgeon came out with a huge smile on his face and said that the surgery went perfectly and that he was doing very well. I let it all out at that point :)

4 days post-op

Most babies are in the hospital for 2-3 weeks to recover... but not our boy! He was recovering at such a quick pace that they had to slow him down! He was off the ventilator, oxygen, chest tube, and some blood pressure stabilizers within 32 hours. Some of them he was off within a day.

Two days after surgery, finally able to hold him

 Micah was out of the hospital in SIX days. Our son is so strong.

The day before we brought him home

Out of respect for my husband, I haven't posted any pictures of his face. He prefers that we keep our children's faces off the public internet. Let me tell you - I'm dying to show off my kids lol but I will respect your wishes, honey.

Anyway - My baby boy is almost 14 weeks post-op now and has been home for almost 13 weeks. We just took him to his monthly cardiologist appt and found out that his next surgery will be this year (instead of Jan like we were expecting). He is going into the hospital this coming Tuesday to get a catheter put in the main artery in his groin and it will go up to his heart so they can take pictures and make sure that they are fully prepared for his next surgery (no surprises). We are a bit nervous because it is a bigger deal than we anticipated - they will be putting him under anesthesia for two hours and then will require 4-5 hours of recovery.

I will give updates as they come. And to those who pray - I would really appreciate them.

Our son is strong. Beyond strong. And we thank God for that. His name means "who is like God" - and I have to agree - he is a blessing and gives us hope and strength. Thank you, Jesus, for this miracle baby.

How do you talk to your kids?

I haven't written in a week and a half because life has gotten incredibly busy and a lot of serious stuff has been going on with my son, Micah (the baby with the heart defect). The blog directly after this one gives a full description of his birth and first open heart surgery.

As I was putting the kids tonight, I was thinking about how we speak to our children and how that, alone, can form them and shape them to be as adults. It's true that the words that we say matter, but it also matters how we speak to them. Are you talking to your kids the "right" way?

Are we rushing through instruction?

Do we show care and attentiveness to what they have to say to us?

Do we use a negative tone of voice when we speak to them?

Are we, ourselves, being mature when we're responding to a negative situation? Are we being too emotional?

Are we loving, always?

The reason I'm posing the question is because, to be quite honest, I have been struggling with my parenting skills over the past week. I have had so much stress on me with my baby, Hannah's adventures of getting into everything, my son being back in school and adjusting to everything, terrible nap/bed times EVERY night, among everything else that comes with motherhood... that I have gotten stressed out, worn out, impatient, and angry. How ironic that the woman who is supposed to be here giving you advise now needs to counsel herself...

The questions I posed above are from my own conscience. I feel like crying right now. I have had a terrible week of being a good mother. I have struggled with my own conflicts and allowed my emotions to rule over me. We all go through phases as parents, just as our kids go through their own phases of amazing behavior and crazy, unbearable behavior. I had a talk with my husband last night about the fact that we need to put ourselves in check and parent the best we can regardless of how we personally feel at the time.

Put ourselves in our kids' shoes and think, "how would I have liked my mom or dad to treat me like this? Would you be ok? Would you be looking back on your childhood and felt favorable about your mom and dad? If not, FIX IT!"

So, again I ask, are you speaking to your kids the "right" way?

I suggest the following:

• When we are instructing our children to do something (how to brush their teeth correctly, subtract a math problem, treat their siblings with love and care - anything that we're teaching) be prepared for questions, frustration on their part, and interruptions. Be patient. Let them ask questions. Deal with their lack of patience and get them to focus.
• When your child is asking to show you something that matters to them (i.e. a picture, toy, or even how they can stand on one foot for 2 1/2 seconds lol), make sure you don't rush them. Don't make them feel like they're not worth 1 minute of your time. And be real - be genuinely happy and supportive of your child's interest.
• When they're being crazy all day long, it isn't on the top of our mind to be calm, cool, and collected. We are probably stressed out and getting annoyed, frustrated, and possibly angry. Don't be negative. Don't add to the problem. Negative tone = negative response or stress in return.
• Just as we shouldn't be negative in our tone of voice, we shouldn't be negative in our actions. Deal with your child in a healthy way regardless of how you feel. You wanna snap back at them? Fine - but you're going to make it worse. You might shape them long-term to be snappy and emotional when they deal with noncooperation and "life" when it isn't favorable.
• Remember who you are - you are MOMMY. You gave birth to these children (or painstakingly went through everything necessary to adopt). They mean everything to you. When you go to bed, are you going to regret or be proud of how you handled your children that day? 

As I mentioned earlier, I have been guilty of not being the "best" mom this past week. Time for me to go through my own suggestions and snap-to.

Another thing - know that we are all guilty of being human. I need to tell this to myself.... And instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to get myself together, get myself back in line, and love the heck out of my kids. I did go through 3 years of pregnancy and over 3 years of nursing these babies, after all, and I know I'd kick anyone's butt if anyone dared to treat them any way but good. Sorry if that was repetitive.. but you get the point ;)

Adjust them to their new sibling and yourself to more than one babe!

When it comes to having a second child, a lot of mothers are worried that their first born isn't going to adjust to his or her new sibling. Is the new baby going to cause jealousy? How do I split up myself into "enough" for both kids? What if my child doesn't like his (or her) new sibling?

When I was pregnant with my second (and third - turned out to be twins), I thought about all of this, too. I had so much love for my son and didn't know how I would possibly separate my love into three for the girls and my son. I didn't want him to feel left out. So I came up with a technique and it worked. It absolutely worked!

When I was pregnant with each additional pregnancy to Jacob, I always referred to the baby as "his" baby. I gave him ownership. Every time I would talk about the pregnancy I would say "oh! Your baby is going to be here, soon!" or "I cannot wait for you to meet him. He is going to need you!" I made it as positive as possible. Every time I had another baby, my kids were very excited.

Keep your child involved. Keep him looking forward to the baby. And when the baby does arrive... continue to "require" his help and give him a crucial position in the baby's life.

• Make it his job to get things like the diapers or wipes
• Have your child throw out the diaper (I literally say, "who wants to throw this out for me?" and the kids will run up and say "meeeee!")
• Tell your child how much your baby needs him
• Explain to your child how the baby will view him as her hero. I've explained it to my kids that each child next in line will look up to the older one and love and admire him and that they have a lot of responsibility. I did not make this a bad thing, though. Always ALWAYS be positive.

I've found that if a child feels necessary and important, and not like he's being pushed out for the new one, that things go smoothly. My son literally did not get jealous of the twins for the first time till they were 9 months, and that was only cuz he was starting a new phase for himself. Lovely loooovely three's... seriously - worse than the 2's.

Now for YOU!

How are you going to handle two as opposed to one? As for the "love" part of it all - love is infinite and will expand as your family does. If you think that you cannot possibly love anyone as much as your first, you will discover that it is simply not true with your second. The love that we experience for our children is mind-boggling (or mind-bottling as a character said in Blades of Glory lol). The love for a child is incomparable to any other love that we have.

Now, regarding how we split ourselves up between the two children... adjustment takes time and everyone's case is a little bit different. The similarity, however, that I can help you with, is this: Your attitude makes a difference. If you are calm and try thinking through things, it is going to help you far beyond being worried or panicking. It WILL be difficult at first. Entering into the life of a family of multiple children is going to be just as individual as each of your children will be...

You may end up with a very relaxed newborn and the adjustment will be easier. You can't really avoid being tired at first because all babies need to be fed around the clock, as you already know. But keep one thing in mind - do not forget your first born. Always welcome your child with enthusiasm and remember: KEEP YOUR FIRST BORN INVOLVED.

You will figure out how to schedule things and you will get into a rhythm. Like I said, though, your attitude will make a difference. Expect there to be the adjustment struggle. Expect for things to not go perfectly. If you can accept the fact that you are not going to be fully in control, you will have it easier with gaining control. You are mommy - you are the ruler of your babes. Don't let them control you. They need you to take control of them and give them direction.

When it comes to a new baby, there will be a lot of excitement, a bit of curiosity because of the unknown, and a lot to prepare for... but it is completely doable and doable in a good way.

If you have more specific questions, please comment them below. I can see if I can help.

Time is precious

Right now, it is 2:38am. I am cuddling my infant son, who is almost three months old. He was unexpectedly born with a major heart defect combo (hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia) and had open heart surgery when he was 11 days old. I plan on sharing our journey - so far - at a future date... but right now I want to encourage you to hold your babies tight. Life is precious.

I never expected that any of my children would have something that is this severe, wrong with them. It blows my mind how much my little 12 week old has been through. He is such a happy boy and he is very strong. He has two more open hearts to go (one around Christmas time and the other at about age 3).

We are taking it one day at a time, but let's face it - this is  scary stuff. I found myself not being able to sleep tonight because my mind was racing and wondering about the unknown. Is he going to survive  the next surgery? Will there be any complications? I talked to my husband and he reminded me that we need to trust God.

It is true.. we need to trust God...

As I cuddle my baby back to sleep I am cherishing the time that I can hold him and love him right now, and trust that God will allow whatever to happen to be what is supposed to happen.

How do you do it with 5 kids?

I was asked this the other day by someone who currently has one child and wanted more in the future... "How do you do it with five kids?"

I remember back when I had Jake that it seemed like such a struggle, but I always knew I wanted a big family. I decided when I was in kindergarten that I was going to have four (and I did have four.. just added another to it for good measure ;) haha). But when Jake was here... I was like, "Woah! How in the world am I going to have three more kids?! This is tough!"

Truth is, I believe that the difficulty fluctuates with five kids but, in the end, it's actually easier to have multiple children versus just one. With Jake it was just me and him, all the time... ALL. THE. TIME. I was his one - and only - playmate. Don't get me wrong, he was my little buddy and I loved being with him, but I felt like he needed someone to grow up with. I could never imagine my life without my three siblings. My brothers and sister are some of the most important and amazing people in my life. I am so grateful for them and that my parents decided to have the four of us :)

Anyway, when it comes to the dynamic of a bunch of children, I look at it as a group that can learn to function with each other. I treat them and love them both as individuals and as a whole. The biggest saving grace for me is the schedule and routine. Now, things do not need to be military-standard and strict, but if there is a good foundation for your daily schedule then things will fall into place naturally.

With kids, it is not wise to see where the wind takes you on a daily basis. It's ok to have those days when things get out of sequence or skipped, but in general, it's good to have a few things done every day in a certain order.

Here is what my day typically looks like:

1. Kids wake up
2. Have them use the bathroom/change any diapers
3. Feed them breakfast
4. Play time
5. Snack time
6. Play more
7. Lunch
8. Nap
9. Play
10. Dinner
11. Bath/brush teeth get ready for bed
12. Bed

Times may vary and so will events (i.e. my son goes to school during the week so I would take him to school after #3). Also, during "play time" various things can be done such as:

• story time
• coloring inside with crayons/markers
• color outside with paint or chalk
• go to the park
• take walks
• let them go have free time to play with their bazillion toys
• encourage dress-up or play time with the little kitchen
• turn on music and let them dance
• invite friends over to have play time

I'm more relaxed and can spend all day in home for days at a time. Other moms need to get out and there are always ways to search for things to do through your city's website. I looked up my city's site online and it had activities listed in general and then in categories and one of those categories was specifically geared toward children.

As we have heard these wise words before, take life one step and one day at a time. The same goes with kids: Take it one child as a time. With every child, adjustment will be natural and the fear that you have will go away. I will write a blog on the adjustment to a new baby and a new sibling in a future blog... I have successfully used some techniques that worked with avoiding jealousy.

In addition to keeping a normal schedule, to "do it" successfully with five (or more than one) children, multitasking is necessary. You need to have the capacity to think about more than one thing at the same time and follow up on several things happening all at once. While I am making dinner I am also, often, rocking my infant in his bouncer with my foot. On top of that I am managing the kids and their behavior. Thank goodness children learn their boundaries better as they get older... but currently I have to keep an ear out for my 2 year old who is ABSOLUTELY DRIVING ME CRAZY! She got into the freezer last night when she was supposed to be in bed and I caught her putting her hand in the toilet this afternoon after church. Anyway.... The point is, yes..  there is a certain level of multitasking required.

A lot of the time I find myself being able to do whatever I want (right now I'm writing this while the kids have been playing and are now getting ready for their naps), although mommy-mode never shuts off ;) One time, in the middle of writing this, I had to grab Lily (one of the 4 year olds) because she dropped something heavy on her foot. I iced her up and put her next to me. There is also a level of refereeing that I am required to do, lol, because these kids are either best friends or the biggest enemies - but that's completely normal.

In the end, I personally would prefer to deal with the hard time of multitasking and dealing with mini-battles in my home for the sake of my children being able to grow up with siblings and have best friends for the rest of their lives. I understand that a lot of people cannot have more than one - so there is no judgement to those who cannot... But since I had the ability to do so, I would do it all over an infinite amount of times.

Sometimes you will have days that seem endless... but when they do end.. you sit back with a smile on your face and say, "Wow.. I love my life and I love my kids!"