Trust Your Intuition

Mother's intuition... What sparked the idea for this entry was when I was telling my friend tonight about the car ride I took on the way to the hospital just before my youngest was born. I will never forget that moment. Let me share with you.

My son, who was born with major and rare congenital heart diseases (hypoplastic right heart syndrome and tricuspid atresia -- Micah's birth story here), was not diagnosed until he was a few hours old (and thank GOD for that, otherwise he would have died suddenly at about a week old). While I was pregnant with Micah, I had this continuous feeling that something was wrong. Like seriously, terribly wrong. Every time I went to the doctor and had any ultrasound, I was just waiting for them to give me the bad news. Every ultrasound, however, gave me a short-lived moment of relief when they said that his heart looked perfect and he looked great. I try not to let those words haunt me.

It got to the point that I was feeling reluctant to put together his nursery. I remember getting the thought, "Why put together things for this baby that I will never bring home from the hospital?" I simply could not shake these thoughts. I prayed and prayed... had long conversations with God about Micah. I would go to bed sometimes hugging my belly, crying and telling Micah how much I loved him, and that I hoped to be able to cuddle him once he was born.

During that drive to the hospital, I remember praying, as my husband drove, "Lord, I will take this baby however he comes." When he started breathing funny soon after he was born, I was confused. I didn't react too much. I was still. After a few hours of time in the NICU, I was wondering why I still didn't have him. That is when my husband walked in with dread on his face. He told me that Micah was going to be transferred to another hospital and that he is going to need heart surgery (and come to find out a few more hours later that he would eventually need three heart surgeries, total). My husband sat there and wept - the first time in seven years that I saw him fully break down.

And yet, I was more worried about my husband than I was about my son. I knew that Micah was in God's hands, period. I went through my own little roller coaster of shock when Micah was two days old and I was all alone on in the hospital room without my newborn and my older four were at home. But, when I was clear headed, I came to terms with what we were facing. I decided at that moment that I was going to trust God, no matter the outcome.

I praise Jesus that my son is still living. He is 14 months old and is a breath of fresh air. Smart, funny, adorable, sweet - you name it. My son is a product of God's grace and mercy.

Now, when I say that we need to trust our intuition, I'm not saying that every bad feeling is going to equal something tragic. But when you feel that something is wrong with your child, get it checked out. If the doctor says it isn't anything, but you feel differently, get a second opinion. I knew something was wrong with  Micah, and we found out eventually. The same with one of my twins, Lily. I knew something was wrong with her vision, and when her doctor didn't see it, I took her to an ophthalmologist on my own. She started wearing glasses at 19 months :)

We, as mothers, know our children more than any professional out there. They are here for advice and guidance, but when it comes down to it, YOU are responsible for your babies. You know them. You understand them. And if something in your gut is telling you other than someone else, look into it. I believe that God gives us this gift. We are biologically bound to our children, and we have been blessed to know them more intimately than any medical book or test can predict.

Stay close to your children. Hug them and kiss them often. Remember the special moments you have had in your life because of them. Remember how they have changed you. We need them just as much as they need us :)