How do you talk to your kids?

I haven't written in a week and a half because life has gotten incredibly busy and a lot of serious stuff has been going on with my son, Micah (the baby with the heart defect). The blog directly after this one gives a full description of his birth and first open heart surgery.

As I was putting the kids tonight, I was thinking about how we speak to our children and how that, alone, can form them and shape them to be as adults. It's true that the words that we say matter, but it also matters how we speak to them. Are you talking to your kids the "right" way?

Are we rushing through instruction?

Do we show care and attentiveness to what they have to say to us?

Do we use a negative tone of voice when we speak to them?

Are we, ourselves, being mature when we're responding to a negative situation? Are we being too emotional?

Are we loving, always?

The reason I'm posing the question is because, to be quite honest, I have been struggling with my parenting skills over the past week. I have had so much stress on me with my baby, Hannah's adventures of getting into everything, my son being back in school and adjusting to everything, terrible nap/bed times EVERY night, among everything else that comes with motherhood... that I have gotten stressed out, worn out, impatient, and angry. How ironic that the woman who is supposed to be here giving you advise now needs to counsel herself...

The questions I posed above are from my own conscience. I feel like crying right now. I have had a terrible week of being a good mother. I have struggled with my own conflicts and allowed my emotions to rule over me. We all go through phases as parents, just as our kids go through their own phases of amazing behavior and crazy, unbearable behavior. I had a talk with my husband last night about the fact that we need to put ourselves in check and parent the best we can regardless of how we personally feel at the time.

Put ourselves in our kids' shoes and think, "how would I have liked my mom or dad to treat me like this? Would you be ok? Would you be looking back on your childhood and felt favorable about your mom and dad? If not, FIX IT!"

So, again I ask, are you speaking to your kids the "right" way?

I suggest the following:

• When we are instructing our children to do something (how to brush their teeth correctly, subtract a math problem, treat their siblings with love and care - anything that we're teaching) be prepared for questions, frustration on their part, and interruptions. Be patient. Let them ask questions. Deal with their lack of patience and get them to focus.
• When your child is asking to show you something that matters to them (i.e. a picture, toy, or even how they can stand on one foot for 2 1/2 seconds lol), make sure you don't rush them. Don't make them feel like they're not worth 1 minute of your time. And be real - be genuinely happy and supportive of your child's interest.
• When they're being crazy all day long, it isn't on the top of our mind to be calm, cool, and collected. We are probably stressed out and getting annoyed, frustrated, and possibly angry. Don't be negative. Don't add to the problem. Negative tone = negative response or stress in return.
• Just as we shouldn't be negative in our tone of voice, we shouldn't be negative in our actions. Deal with your child in a healthy way regardless of how you feel. You wanna snap back at them? Fine - but you're going to make it worse. You might shape them long-term to be snappy and emotional when they deal with noncooperation and "life" when it isn't favorable.
• Remember who you are - you are MOMMY. You gave birth to these children (or painstakingly went through everything necessary to adopt). They mean everything to you. When you go to bed, are you going to regret or be proud of how you handled your children that day? 

As I mentioned earlier, I have been guilty of not being the "best" mom this past week. Time for me to go through my own suggestions and snap-to.

Another thing - know that we are all guilty of being human. I need to tell this to myself.... And instead of feeling sorry for myself I need to get myself together, get myself back in line, and love the heck out of my kids. I did go through 3 years of pregnancy and over 3 years of nursing these babies, after all, and I know I'd kick anyone's butt if anyone dared to treat them any way but good. Sorry if that was repetitive.. but you get the point ;)